Am I wrong? Need some opinions

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Am I wrong? Need some opinions
24
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 10:20am

Hi All!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 10:54am

Cool,


No, I dont think you're over reacting---based on if I were in your shoes...I'd be feeling the same way.


I think the bottom line is you need to talk with him about it....tell him how you're feeling unsupported with things like this.....


It seems to me there have been other situations on her with similar flavors, and I know I was in one before my current relationship.


I think what happens is you become a single parent, and "rise to the occasion" and take care of everything for yourself and your kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 11:50am

I would be really bothered by him never going to your house--I mean his kid is 16--doesn't he have any friends or any activities where he does things w/ his friends, or is he sitting home w/ dad every minute? I have a 14 1/2 yr old DS & I leave him home to go out--in fact since it's will be school vacation week, he'll be home for the entire day by himself unless he visits his dad or grandma, so I can't understand (as Laurena said) why he can't go to your house, do something w/ you and go home that night. My mom lives an hour away and we are always going there for Sunday dinner. And DS going on 95% of the dates w/ you? Well, I guess I would never have done that from the 1st place. If I was starting to date someone new, then I would expect to be going on dates alone--if the child isn't old enough to be left home alone, then he should be getting a babysitter. And I'm pretty sure that your kids are going to get tired of this soon--if they are spending some weekends w/ their dad, and you are bringing them to your BF's house all the time, when do they get to see their own friends outside of school? If I were you, I think I would only be going over there when you did not have your kids w/ you. And when he asks why, you can say "Well, I have my kids."

When I started dating 2nd DH, I had my kids EOW and I would always stay home w/ them when I had them. My then BF was a widower so he had his DD all the time, so I would go to his house on the non-kid weekends. And now that I look back at that time, it was pretty boring. lol His DD was around 10-12 when we were dating, she didn't go to friends very often, so basically we would just eat dinner or take her out somewhere and stay home at watch TV. I must have been blinded by love! Luckily, she did stay at her grandmother's once a week so at least we had one date night. Then eventually he started bringing his DD to my house on weekends where she had her own room, and then they moved in & we got married. But it was a lot more difficult for her than he thought it would be to move & leave her friends & school, so that is another consideration--what place are you going to live in? The good part is that at least his DS is 16 so at least he will be an adult soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 11:58am

Thank you so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 12:04pm

Hi Music,


thanks for the input. When we first started dating, his son stayed with friends or his cousin normally on Friday nights.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 1:12pm

yeah,...


"I have a son".....


WTH?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 1:17pm

Welcome Cool!


Your "story" has been posted here many times.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 2:29pm

yeah,...


"I have a son".....


WTH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 2:42pm

Thanks Serenity,


I did read your post below... ay yi yi.... now that was a week, but sounds like it's going to work out (hopefully in a good way for everyone).

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 2:46pm

I think Laurena touched on some valid points.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Fri, 04-09-2010 - 3:00pm

LAME LAME EXCUSE from him! Girl, I think you need to be direct. Say - "WELL BRING your son WITH YOU! It would mean so much to me if I could count on you to help me with my house!" Tell him YOU drive an hour over to HIS place all the FLIPPIN time!!!

OH fer heavens sakes. Men (bless their hearts) can be so ridiculous!!! You just have to spell it out for them. *itchy or not. Stand up for yourself and make him WORK for it!

What has happened to our society that men have gotten so LAZY in finding and KEEPING a woman??? It's like they want to put as little effort as possible into it!!!!

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