Blended families are difficult at best..

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Blended families are difficult at best..
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 12:55pm

OMG, DH finally admitted, after four years,

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 1:30pm

What came to mind with your post Fresh, is that sometimes we can love someone, but not really like them.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 3:43pm

Thanks, Serenity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 4:18pm
Yes, it is very hard to hear such a thing, depends also why did he suddenly said so. Sometimes we say one thing and the next day we do not feel like this.
My DH has 3 daughters, sometimes I do not like them all, sometimes I do not like someone of them in particular, sometimes I quite like them all and at times feel I really love them.
Why? Depends of the situation. If it is my son I love him always when he is good or bad, he is always good to me, but even I can be very angry with him (feeling angry and irritated is not actually the synonym of love though I think I love him even then). And if they are not your children?
I love my DH very much, we do not live with his DSDs apart from every other WE and not at once with all of them so it is easy to me to like them in spite of such an irritating thing in 7 years like a mess real mess every time I come. It is a small thing but 7 years, I got used to it and now I feel sorry for my DH who feels ashamed for them. Well, imagine I lived with them all the time, imagine I have to deal with their suddenly becoming vegetarian^ not being able to cook anything, well I stop here but I am sure I would say already hundred times to him that I do not like his DDs.
He never told me this about my DS. Actually, I complained here on the board they do not speak about a year ago, and now I have no problem, they go on perfectly well and my son speaks more and more with much respect and even admiration about my DH. But in my case I cannot see any discomfort my DS brings, he is neat, polite, respectful, and actually as a mother I speak to him a lot explaining things, why we shall respect each other feelings since we live together and what is best not to do or to do and he tells me the same if he finds me doing something wrong. We might have misunderstanding between me and my son about something but it is between us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 4:26pm
I remember how my 2nd DH (now ex) would INSIST that he liked my DD (who was one year older than his DD). But his behavior said otherwise. When she went away to college, it was more peaceful, but then again I notice it more when she came home on Christmas vacation--he had to pick at every little thing--did she park in the wrong place in front of the house, her friends were over and they were just watching TV & talking in a normal voice, but he complained that they were bothering him, things like that. Now in reality, I really never liked his DD--we just had nothing in common and she barely talked to me at all. If I asked her a question, she would answer, we were civil to each other, but we really had no relationship. This was even before she started doing things that caused the family a lot of problems. But I compensated by at least trying to treat her well and do as much for her as I did for my kids. The thing is w/ blended families that even though you choose your partner, that doesn't mean that you will automatically like his kids or vice versa.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Mon, 03-01-2010 - 5:39pm

I know this may not be easy, but I think it's good that your DH stated the truth. Now, the hard part will be to decide how you both should handle it.

IMHO, I would sit down with DH and tell him that he doesn't have to like my son, but he needs to treat him respectfully, regardless how my son treats him. There's no reason to treat someone badly "back".

"I feel such pain when I hear him talking badly to my son. I confronted him last night, and he said he was justified because my son wasn't respectful. "

That needs to stop. And I'd suggest having a talk with your son about either being more respectful, or both of them disengaging from one another unless they have to. Make the house peaceful where neither DS nor DH is speaking badly to one another. DH, being the adult, should be able to control himself and the situation better. You don't want "two kids" at each other's throats.

Hugs. Remember, don't force them to like on another, instead think of ways you all can live peacefully together (I don't care if it's FT or PT).


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 5:01pm

When I read your post, I thought well maybe it isn't your son he doesn't like (per se).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:39am

I have to agree with Cheryl 100%.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.