Calls to/from ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Calls to/from ex
29
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 10:25pm
Ok, I hate to admit it but, it is driving me crazy that DH's contact with his ex is almost always at work. He tells me that he does that so I am not bothered by it (we have had issues with boundries this first year AND as hard as I tried, I just dont like his ex). While he says it is about the kids, I am often left wondering what is happening since he often doesnt even mention the calls unless I ask (i see them on the bill or his phone....with his knowledge). But asking sets the stage for defensiveness and hurt feelings for one or both. Just venting mostly. I am sure we will eventually work it out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 6:58am
I think I responded to you on this issue once before...I know for me it is a complete blessing when I don't need to hear SO on the phone with ex...when I do hear it it's like he is a different person from the man I know...truthfully I know he is as uncomfortable talking to her b/c of who she is and what she does as I am hearing it...it's almost like he knows that he has to be. "different" and wants to spare me having to hear that KWIM? Which I completely appreciate...

Why do you think you would rather hear these calls? Do you really believe he's hiding something from you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 7:01am
Oh forgot to mention I can't stand his ex either, why do you think you have to "like" his ex...personally as long as the issue of the call doesn't impact my/life I definitely don't want to know about it at all...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 9:50am

maybe its not relevant

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 10:23am

When I was married to 2nd DH, I frequently talked to my ex during the day while I was at work and didn't tell my 2nd DH about it.

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 11:34am

I would have a serious problem with a man that spoke to his ex, when I wasn't around & didn't tell me about it. 1st, I would wonder, why does he feel the need to keep this info. from me?

I have a child, from my 1st marriage & DF was married, but no kids.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 11:41am

Not to be disrespectful to you.....but I would understand you not telling 2nd DH about talks with ex, because he was irrationally jealous.

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 1:16pm

I agree, there shouldn't be anything hidden, and conversations with ex really should only involve kids and money (IMO). There shouldn't be secrets, that's just not healthy.

I can not imagine asking ex to do ANYTHING for me, I would never give him the satisfaction.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 1:24pm

OK MSMW peeps, hold on to you seats...

There is a difference between a secrecy, and privacy.

Serenity
Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 3:19pm

I guess it's a fine line with what is appropriate & what is not appropriate.

My experience was, in my 1st marriage (it was hubby, at that time, 2nd marriage)....his x, would call him anytime she needed help around the house, fixing things, driving her & their kids places & my (x)hubby would tell me, he does it because he wants to make sure his kids are ok......I told him, "once ur divorced, your divorced, ur x needs to move on & find someone else to do these things for her." (but, I, honestly think his 1st wife, just did these things, just to piss me off, because she likes to start trouble, & her requests were CONSTANT).....I was so happy to get out of my 1st marriage, just to get away from HER!!

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-05-2011 - 3:52pm

I guess you really wouldn't understand me at all because I'm one of those exes who is still going to family functions w/ my ex's family.

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