Changing Plans

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Changing Plans
11
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 5:35pm

I posted the other day and got good advice about gifts for my SO's daughters (we all agreed, no) and grandkids (we all agreed, something small) when I went over to my SO's house on Xmas Day.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
In reply to: dabela
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 7:43pm
No, you're not being ridiculous---I'd probably feel the same way if I were in your shoes.

HOWEVER, I'm not in your shoes, so I CAN look at the "bigger picture", and , honestly, it would be kind of "weird" to--for the first time-- *meet* your dad's new (serious) GF on xmas day-----------

well, (trying to figure how to rephrase that)----I dont think it would be as weird to meet you that day if all went well, etc----but I could see it as being kind of "high anxiety" to daughter to *meet* you amidst a holiday, with already (alot) of feelings re: loss of mom (holidays bring all that out), all the things going on with holiday gathering, and then worrying about meeting dad's "serious" GF (read: probable new wife).

Here's my thought:

1. Be honest with your sweetie that you are disappointed in this change in circumstances---(dont suggest any alternate plans, but be clear you're disappointed to not see him at all 24/25---maybe he'll come up with a different plan---but he wont if he doesnt know your feelings).

2. Look at 12/26 as a SPECIAL occasion specifically for MEETING YOU, welcoming you to family, etc.

((((((((hugs)))))))

Keep us updated!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
In reply to: dabela
Wed, 12-22-2010 - 11:46pm

Thanks for the response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
In reply to: dabela
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 7:47am
Hmm, yes, ...I see your situation better now.

(didnt Seinfeld even have a show on "The Uninvite"? --if not, they should have---)

On the one hand, it seems like the "princess" daughter simply has that personality--it's not about "YOU", it's who she is, what she does---

so, while that could be seen as a "plus" in that there is nothing PERSONALLY about you that's the issue---> the down side is that.......apparently she ALWAYS is like this-----and dad has history of playing right into it.............................(as you've had evidence of just now).............
Hmmmm.....

Yes, this "only come to the group family outing on the 26th" sounds like a situation if you and he had just started dating in late Sept, say....not for over a year and serious.....

Just stopping by for some dessert in the early evening (12/25) would seem (to me) to be perfect for this year........

And, yes, it seems the underlying "REAL" issue--> dad wont speak up for himself (e.g. wanting to have you there) against older daughter.........

This board is more active during work hours (M-F), so I"m sure you'll get more responses, and please do keep us updated------

BEST WISHES!

PS:
I'm thinking that if 12/26 is some "activity" with the kids only--like running off to the movies or chuck e cheese or something----giving them presents that day is just another confusion---

It would sure make alot more sense for you to stop by for just an hour or two 12/25 evening to give them their presents,...someone offers you a piece of pie while your'e sitting there.....then you leave in all of 1 1/2 hours.....

I guess I wouldnt want to "push" my presence on the situation, but on the other hand.......you have to wonder about the cluelessness of men in general----when SD said dinner 12/25 was "too complicated" and 12/26 better....did Dad even have the thought re: you just stopping by for an hour later......................--> when you say:

I think it is pretty clear to him that I was disappointed that we were no longer planning for me to join them on the 25th.

What was his reaction to this?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: dabela
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 10:54am

I am wondering if he thought about this later and felt really uncomfortable w/ having his deceased wife's mother there and you at the same time--maybe it wasn't actually princess DD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
In reply to: dabela
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 12:02pm

laurena82 wrote:

I'm thinking that if 12/26 is some "activity" with the kids only--like running off to the movies or chuck e cheese or something----giving them presents that day is just another confusion---

It would sure make alot more sense for you to stop by for just an hour or two 12/25 evening to give them their presents,...someone offers you a piece of pie while your'e sitting there.....then you leave in all of 1 1/2 hours.....

I guess I wouldnt want to "push" my presence on the situation, but on the other hand.......you have to wonder about the cluelessness of men in general----when SD said dinner 12/25 was "too complicated" and 12/26 better....did Dad even have the thought re: you just stopping by for an hour later......

Right now, I am no longer planning on bringing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
In reply to: dabela
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 12:18pm
musiclover12 wrote:

I am wondering if he thought about this later and felt really uncomfortable w/ having his deceased wife's mother there and you at the same time--maybe it wasn't actually princess DD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
In reply to: dabela
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 2:08pm

All I can say is...if you aren't 100% sure who said what and why he uninvited you, assuming only gets you in trouble. I would do as the first poster suggested and that is to tell him you're disappointed in HIS decision to uninvite you but leave it at that. I agree, don't make excuses FOR him, don't BLAME the DD, don't make suggestions. Just state your feelings and leave it at that. How he handles it, I'm sure, will affect you more than the actual uninvite.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
In reply to: dabela
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 5:40pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: dabela
Thu, 12-23-2010 - 9:03pm

He must think you are important if he really wants you to meet the out of town DD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
In reply to: dabela
Fri, 12-24-2010 - 12:03pm

Well, the good news is that I have been "reinvited."

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