Child Support Modifications

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Child Support Modifications
9
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 6:22pm

Music,


No, I know it's too late for the would've, could've, should've with regard to the ex getting a better job, training, whatever...however, yes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 11:03am
If there's a modification hearing, the court will go by whatever their actual incomes are now, so if she's making minimum wage, that's what her income is. I think it would be pretty easy to figure out what the child support should be because most courts have websites for that. I mean she can't claim she makes less than her paychecks show, can she?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 11:53am

I guess we are both unsure b/c of what happened the first time when my SO worked out the agreement. While they never actually went in front of a judge, my SO agreed to all of the "increased" amounts of support b/c he really wanted the whole thing over (I know that shouldn't have been his motivation), however, after the numbers were decided the ex then continued to drag everything out for another year and a half by not signing off on the final paperwork, accumulating more attorney's fees (knowing that she wouldn't have to pay a dime b/c the judge made it that my SO was 100% responsible for both his and hers attorneys fees b/c conveniently at that time she had yet to get a job). Therefore, we are completely unsure of what will happen at a hearing for reduced CS. In addition, the hard part is, yes, while her W2 says she makes "X", we know that isn't entirely accurate b/c she is bankrolled by her parents (yes, I know that there is nothing we can do about that), but obviously her "true" financial status isn't accurate.

I think the other difficulty we have is deciding whether to "wake the sleeping dragon". Right now all is quiet. What I mean by that is we don't the same kind of whiny, complaining, antics about her having no money to pay for X, Y, or Z. In addition to the sharing her money problems with the kids and her working very hard to sabotage their relationships with my SO (which she does on an active basis anyway). I know we can't have it both ways...that's what makes it so difficult. I think that's why my SO is more inclined to wait until one of the older boys is emancipated to approach lowering the CS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 3:17pm

Unless she works for her parents, her W2 is an accurate statement of what she makes. Her expenses are different--where I live, expenses really aren't considered in calculating c.s., only income of both parties (except for the costs of health ins. & daycare).

The problem is that your BF won't stand up for his rights because he lets his ex browbeat him into doing things that aren't called for by the court order--based on my experience w/ reading what others have posted on this board, once people allow themselves to get into that kind of a situation, it's hard to get out of it. If he court order said he should have been paying X and he let her convince him to pay more, then unfortunately she figured out that every time she wanted more, she could just complain, whine & threaten to take the kids away. So what if she complains she doesn't have money? If he's paying what he's supposed to pay, he needs to turn a deaf ear. I don't support involving the kids, but if the kids are close enough to being emancipated & she is saying "dad isn't giving me this & that," he can just say that there was an agreement that he should pay X (or the judge decided he should pay X) and he pays it.

And if they had an agreement but she wouldn't sign, then I don't really understand how she could drag the case out for so long. Maybe his atty. was incompetent, or maybe your SO just didn't want to make waves (which was more likely) but normally it would be "this is the agreement--either you sign it now or we can have the judge decide & then I won't pay you so much." He just seems like the kind of guy who is always going to let his ex call the shots.

I think the only way he can really find out whether it's worth it to go to court is to consult an atty. & see what judges in your state normally do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 3:51pm

No, she doesn't work for her parents...I see what you mean about the expenses, I guess I'm thinking about that as it pertained to the original agreement (when you have to list all your expenses per say in the statement of net worth). As far as health insurance my SO pays for everything, and there is no need for childcare anymore...

Yes, there was a time (in the past-when the agreement was made) that what you are saying was definitely true (about my SO not standing up when he should've), we all make mistakes, I guess. He is much better about such things now...Two of the kids are close to emancipation, two are not...he definitely has made it clear over the years that he won't give anymore $ above and beyond what he gives now especially since in a manner of speaking the $ is "all-inclusive"...At this time, the older two seem to "get it" more and the 13 DSD is the one that it seemed to take more talking to, but now it is much better than in the beginning...

Yes, I think there was a piece of it that had to do with his attorney (being very laid back) and there was a piece of it where my SO didn't want to make waves, without a doubt...

We plan to consult an attorney probably sometime in late summer or early fall (around the time of one of the older boys' 18th birthdays-we're still not totally convinced he will be persuaded to go to the local community college, he would be more likely to go out and get a job...

I'm more anxious about it and would like to do it sooner...(just wanted to gather thoughts about it first)...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 9:34am

Liz's post was very good at pointing out the importance of getting everything ironed out and legally documented early on.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 6:19pm

I read the posts, and I wonder if he has a person, partner of some sort in his life, would they be feeling the way some on the board feel?

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 9:54pm

You know the CS in and of itself isn't the biggest part of the

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 8:58am

Ah....the alimony.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 6:00pm

I know you are right about the acceptance of the alimony, it is way easier said than done...Yes, there is a five year agreement and we are approaching the end of year 4. My SO looks at it as there is "an end date" which rationally I know is true.