Christmas and kids' presents for X's

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Christmas and kids' presents for X's
6
Tue, 12-07-2010 - 12:03pm

I was wondering how many of you out there handle Christmas and the exchange of gifts.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008

Hey April....

Here's what I/we do...For the record I think I missed the boat on this a long time ago (but keep in mind I've been with SO as long as ex has been with her SO-so that kind of guided my/our decision)...With that being said here's what happened the second year we were together...(keep in mind the first year the ex was still trying to get back together with my SO even though she was with her SO)...The kids arrived on Christmas morning with gifts (clothes) for SO (and a very small one for me-angel candle with tea light candle-which I still have to this day)...I can say that I felt a bit guilty after that, but I think I still felt that since ex had a SO and SO has me, that we are really the ones to take on the responsibility...I can admit that I wasn't comfortable with ex picking out clothes for SO (anymore and truthfully I don't believe he really would want to have been wearing something that obviously was chosen by ex anymore) especially since just the year before she was still making a play to get back together with him...so needless to say, we didn't give the kids anything to take back and from there on out it stopped....For Christmas, none of SOs kids generally give him gifts (I would say that if they happened to make something somewhere or something that's different, but that generally hasn't been the "rule").

I think I/we've taken the stance that we really don't expect anything from the skids (especially the younger ones), however, I can say that just this past Father's Day, I kind of started feeling like the ODSSs (18, 20) should at least get their father "something"...I decided this year to text them with a possible "suggestion" and they both did follow through, I guess I could do that again for Christmas, but I'm taking into consideration that both have only part-time jobs and gifts for their dad probably aren't quite a priority just now...I think both SO and I accept that (right now and at these ages)...For the younger ones for Father's Day, I do get them something to give him (more out of the idea to recognize my SO as a good father-b/c he is and I want him to feel good and if I don't who will??? KWIM?).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

My ex & I always were in charge of making sure the kids got each other present for Christmas, birthday & mother's/father's day.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

First I have to say it depends who has a SO, and who doesn't, that would be assisting the kids.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008

Thanks for all the replies!

I think I am just going to go with what I wanted to do this year and have the kids make something.




Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
I think your plan sounds perfect. Because you are right that it becomes a gray area when a kid is out shopping with the parents money.

A few mothers day back, my DD came home with some goodies and a $50 Starbucks card. Ahhhh, yea. You are reading my mind. Actually, I thing his GF may have urged him to get it, (maybe not $50, but I think it may have been her idea) Well, needless to say, it has never happened again. It felt really wierd, especially since I was with current SO.

Even though my SO does take DD to the store, I at least feel like she has been old enough to actually participate in what they pick out.

Not sure about this year, yet. We are also leaning towards my DD10 making gifts, also.

Hope your party goes well!!!
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006

Hi april magic ::: :-) I think it is very sweet and big of you to make sure the XW is gifted. I too would be uncomfortable with an EXPENSIVE gift - unless the kids were older and they were actually chipping in for it, you know? Just something small - ornaments, bath products, something thoughtful :-) She is their mama - and so she deserves it. Good for you for being so sensitive to her feelings :-) That's very human of you!

And about ranting - oh honey, that is what I LOVE about this board - sometimes I just need to GET IT OFF my chest and I truly have NO other place to do it but here!!! I can vent to my poor little sister - but goodness knows - if I say a word to my mother it is all over the entire town by the end of the evening!!! haha!!! So this lovely little board is a HUGE outlet for me, and I hope for you too! It feels like a safe place to let it out (within reason of course)!!!