Dating a divorced man

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2010
Dating a divorced man
7
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 8:33pm

Hello! This is my first post here, and I really don't want any advice, but instead wondering if anyone is experiencing anything similar.

I started dating a wonderful man toward the end of last year. We feel meant to be together, but this situation is different for me. He is divorced and has a daughter who has primary placement with him. This does not bother me, but I didn't realize some of the challenges that would come with dating a divorced, single father. At times I feel so overwhelmed getting to know him better and forming a strong relationship with him, working on having a close relationship with his daughter, and managing the ex-wife (the history and her relationship she has with the daughter). I wish I knew of some chat sites or something where women of similar experiences could come together to talk about this. It's tough to manage all of these different relationships, but I think it's well worth it! Have any of you managed a relationship like this? What did you experience? How did you handle it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 9:29am

Hi and welcome to the board.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 9:49am

Hi BEthany,


WELCOME!


Pam posted some definitely important things to be sure to consider.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 12:02pm

Welcome!

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2010
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 1:43pm
Based on some of the responses I"ve received from this post on other boards (I posted it a few other spots as well) I"m not sure what I should say. I have been made to feel like what I have done is wrong and it shouldn't be like that. When he and I met, I knew that he was divorced and had a child. We have had many conversations about what we are looking for, what we BOTH have learned from the past, what we want for the future, etc. He made the decision of when I met his daughter, and because he and I are forming a very strong relationship, it was important to him that I form a strong relationship with his daughter. He told me she doesn't need a mom because she already has one, but it's important to him to create that "family" feel for his daughter. I really appreciate your responses to this, and I guess I was searching for more advice than I thought! I would be willing to talk about this further, I just have to get back to work!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 9:17am

I'm not sure about how your BF sees your relationship with his DD.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2010
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 1:44pm
Maybe I gave the wrong impression of him. He has in no way pushed me to form a relationship with his daughter; it's happening on it's own. Her relationship with her mother is based on convenience, so I am just trying to be a good role model for the daughter and am helping create that "family" feel that I spoke of earlier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Sat, 03-27-2010 - 3:57pm
It seems that my relationship with my step-children became very much like yours, Pam. Sometimes I think if I should communicate more as we are a family but at the moment i only contact them when we are in each other's company which is when we go to visit. And it all goes well because it goes fast and when we are together we also enjoy the time it seems. Last time I saw them was 2 months ago and i will not see them another month and a half. I do not write to them (though I used to a little) and do not call (which i used to do before also and wanted to). My husband is very busy at the moment and even he called them only twice as far as I know and once was business anyway. Now it is Pasqua, he has gone to see his sister to another country, and I am going to go to see my family, he could stop over to see his children on the way but he did not even though about that (I think it is not easy anymore to rush all the time for him and they are too lazy to come themselves.
I do not say it is good or bad how the things are but at least it seems natural, so I wonder if not my DH would I ever wanted to see them at all. And when I think of it it frightens me because then how we can be a family if I have no need at all to communicate much to them. I used too as I said but the initiative was mostly mine, and when i stopped the less you speak the less you feel like.
And in the beginning I was so sure I loved them, now I rather like but in a very indifferent way.
???