DD12 and SO, ugh!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
DD12 and SO, ugh!
10
Thu, 09-06-2012 - 12:03pm

Not exactly how I wanted to spice up the board, but we had a rough evening.

Too shorten the story, DD12 blurted out at the dinner table to SO that she wished he didn't live here.  They have been getting along really well the last several months and even right up until dinner everything was fine.  It started with conversation about wearing makeup to school and it just kind of morphed into her crying, saying "I don't have a choice" regarding SO, or her step-mom, for that matter, and said "I am happier at my dads, even though they fight all of the time, I still like it better there." 

She does, every so often, tell me she wishes SO didn't live there.  But she is 12. 

SO was supposed to be somewhere, and she kind of hit a wall and didn't want to talk, so I said we needed a break and could pick things back up. 

The thing with her is, she has these "moments" and then is perfectly fine.  So, after she purged and he left, we talked for a bit and then she was fine. 

SO came home a few hours later and we talked some more.  Going to get her back into counseling.  She doesn't think I stick up for her like her step-mom does for her girls.  But the thing is, step-mom just blurts things out and they argue.  I wait and talke to SO in private.  But my DD doesn't believe me, and thinks I am not on her side. 

SO is actually handling it quite well, and understand she just kind of had to puke all of this out, and we are glad she was honest, but of course it still hurts.

What is interesting, is she isn't saying she wants us to breakup, she just doesn't want him living "with us."  She also admited that she wishes things were less "strict" (like she knows what strict really is). 

Anyways, I could go on and on with details.  Not sure how many of you hear walked through this with kids, especially girls.  My older two had a rough go with DD12 dad, but when there dad died at ages 8 and 11, there was no where else to go. Plus, there dad was not very involved in the first place. 

Any experience would be appreciated.

 

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 7:42am
I hear ya about finding a new doc. My GYN retired a few years ago so I now just see a PA in the group. Have a good weekend, S!
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 6:51pm
I would get on the pill in a heartbeat, but I smoke. :smileysad:

Acutally looking for a new GYN, as mine decided on early retirement. Had him since I was 14, so not looking forward to finding a new one.
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 5:25pm

I'll be praying for your whole family, Serenity! 

I had rages so bad in my late 30's, I remember one time slamming DD28 up against a garage wall and really getting in her face (and I'm normally pretty mild-mannered).  I finally went to my OB-GYN and he put me on the pill.  I've been on it ever since.  I'm now about 3 years away from menopause and am still on it.  I was a raving lunatic back then and she was the devil incarnate!  It was so hard with her, too, because she was always my "angel child".  I told people she turned 12 and grew a horns and a tail!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 2:49pm

I am also perimenopausal. God help us...

Serenity
Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 1:53pm

I am just really glad to know that I'm not the only one, going thru this!  :smileywink:

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 1:40pm

 I want to send HUGS to both you and cowgirl.  Daughters at that age are SOOOO difficult!  I was lucky though...out of 4 DDs, only my oldest went through that hormonal stage.  It started at 12, ended at 15...but in between...our house was like WWIII and she and I ended up in counseling. (A perimenopausal mother and a pre-teen girl in the same house is NEVER good!)She was like a bad roommate that I couldn't kick out!  She was HORRIBLE to me, but not her father.  My girls have never treated HIM with the disrespect they treat ME.  They still do from time and time and dh hates it.  I KNOW for a FACT, dh and I could never have raised children together....NEVER, so I admire anyone who can blend a family and survive.  

  So, thank God mine are grown, but, like your DD26, they still have their moments with me as you well know.  Are boys better?  Never raised any, so have no idea.

So, you both hang in there and know  "This, too, shall pass."  :smileyhappy:

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 1:03pm
Our weekend went pretty good, but poor DD12 and those darn hormones. Last night it was "I don't have classes with any of my friends," etc. etc. as she was in tears. Then somehow she turns on SO about how he eats. What the heck?

The good part is that my xH also has SD 11 and 14. So he totally understands my SO's position and take what my DD says to him with a grain of salt.

The other good thing is DD12 purges and then she is fine, regardless of what she is upset about.

As far as it ever passing, I am still waiting for it pass with my DD26. It just isn't in your face when they move out. :smileyhappy:

Serenity
Avatar for cowboys_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2010
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 1:56pm

OMG!!  I am so glad you posted this!!!  I am going thru the EXACT same thing!!

DD, just turned 11 when we moved to DH's house.....eveything was fine, until she turned 12, then DD starts 'whatever' up with me.  Now she is 13 and never had a problem with DH, until lately!!  :smileysurprised: I mean, she's, literally annoyed by everything DH does or says!! And DH treats her like a queen & goes out of his way to connect with her (he doesn't have kids, DD is his only one!)

DD went so far (over the weekend) as to text her dad & let him know how much DH annoys her because he complains about everything (the complaining part is true, but it's just his character, no one is perfect & it's only about politics or football or something stupid). Then, of course, her dad says, this is not a good enviroment for her to be in.  Like her a-hole dad should know, he doesn't pay child support or doesn't really care what she is doing, in her life!!  :smileymad:

When DD, told me that? I quickly let her know that I was hurt & angry that she complained to her dad about her step dad.  I told her, stepdad has been more caring & concerned, in your life the past few years, than your dad EVER has!!!

Anyway, I made my point & unfortunately, made her realize her own dad is not so much a part of her life, as she would like (deep down, I know she knows)....& that hurt her.  I told her is she has any problem with stepdad, then address it with him, he would want to know & make it better, because he loves her.  She doesn't want to.

We had a tough weekend, last weekend.....but I'm pretty sure it's her age & hormones & she doesn't know what she feels!! I will get her counseling, in next year, if I feel she's getting worse. But, she has a lot of friends & is doing good in school....so I'm 'thinking' this all will pass, once she gets to 19 (I hope).

Kiki (hit my magic age of 45 and no longer TTC),but mom to a beautiful teen DD & 2 angels in heaven & married to my best friend