Depression, Mid-life Crisis - WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS MAN?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2010
Depression, Mid-life Crisis - WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS MAN?
Thu, 03-22-2012 - 11:33pm

I posted a month or two ago about some problems that my husband and I were having in our marriage - mainly loss of intimacy and romance after our youngest two kids were born. It got a lot better recently with him spending more time with the kids, making more time for us as a couple, and just making more of an effort overall.

I was very happy about that - and then it got weird.

Over the years he has cared less and less about his appearance, growing out his beard, not working out, choosing work over family commitments. He is also notoriously cheap. His family makes fun of him for being so "thrifty." I have always just considered him to be smart with his money and ours as a household. He started a business just before the recession and was one of the few that actually grew exponentially during the past 7 years. He is now getting ready to sell it for a large profit. He has also chosen to go back to school, receiving his masters degree and is working towards gaining admission into a doctoral program to realize his dream of becoming a full time college professor.

After that long back story, some things about his behavior have changed very rapidly making him into a man that I have not known before. He grew out his hair and got it professionally cut (in a salon, not a barber)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010

I will be interested to see what other people post as it doesn't sound like depression to

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

I don;t know much aboutr depression either, but I do know abut cheating spouses! If he had just spruced up,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2011

I would try to get him to see his doctor for a complete check up.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Well, I don't think anyone can ever rule out an affair, as none of it thinks it will ever happen to us, but I also don't think we should automatically jump to that conclusion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011

Drastic external changes are almost always an indication that something internal is transpiring. On the positive side, it could be that he feels now that he's about to be financially independent AND he has a great wife AND he's about to live his dream of being a professor that he's got it made and he's rewarding himself by looking the part. Why not? That's as likely as other scenarios.

Can't you just ask him?