did u take his last name?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
did u take his last name?
10
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 12:20pm

OK I'm going to just purge some EMOTIONS right now ... reader BEWARE!!! Can I ask you ladies - for your second marriage (or 3rd or 4th) did you take his last name?

Because - hear me now - I will NOT DO IT! Not under any circumstances! I have so many things with my STUPID other last name - like all of the running medals and certificates I got from my races. Academic certificates - that sort of stuff - with my FIRST husband's STUPID last name. And I tell you this ...

I feel VERY MUCH like I should have LEFT that first marriage MUCH sooner. And if I ever do get married again - I do honestly think I want it ALL set up so I can GET OUT - if I need to. You know?

OK - I know you ladies & gents are going to have a hey-day with this post!!! i'm probably not ready to be married again. lol. YES I KNOW!

And you know what else - I don't think people ever do HEAL from deep betrayal. I really don't. Hopefully we get smarter. But do we ever heal? I don't believe so. We move on. We re-focus. But, heal??? What does that even mean?

Emotional rant complete.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 1:36pm

LOL!!!

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 2:42pm

I am always up for a good rant!

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 2:58pm

Totally understand what you mean. I remember when my friend was studying to be a doctor, he had to decide if he wanted to change his last name or not, since honestly, he'd be stuck with it for the rest of his life. He hated his last name. lol.

I was so grateful that I got my name changed before I graduated college. I like having my maiden name on my degree.

And lastly, if I got divorced, I probably would find a name I love (a family name, but not my maiden name) and never change it again. Creating a new me. If not, then I'd be like you. Never change my name again. The hassles just isn't worth it.

And my biggest pet peeve. If you get married and change your name, no one asks for proof, they just take your word for it (not all things, but many). But when you divorce, everyone wants you to send in your divorce papers stating your name has been changed back. WTH!

IMHO, the name thing is more personal than anything else. And when you are betrayed, you want to purge everything to do with that name or that person. Can't blame you there.

 





Hosted by imgur.com

 

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 4:38pm

I know a gal who legally changed her first and middle name.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 7:45pm

Here is my name change saga, which is kind of unique. So I got married the 1st time, changed my name to DH's, but used my maiden name as a middle name. Didn't change back when I got div, cause I had kids and by then, I was established in my career as a lawyer. So I met 2nd DH & he was like "well you can't keep your 1st DH's name." He took it personally as if it meant that I still loved my 1st DH or something. So I changed it to his, but I never used his name professionally which made things kind of confusing. So to add to all this, my 2nd DH had decided to change his name, basically because he hated his father (who had died 20 yrs earlier by then, so I don't know by that time why he couldn't just deal w/ it). So what he did was basically drop his last name & his middle name became his last name. It wasn't that weird because people actually have this name as a last name. But by that time, his DD was about 12 yrs old so he asked her if she wanted to change her name too & she said no--now at this point, you would have thought that maybe he would just keep it to have the same name as his DD, but he didn't, so there were 3 diff. last names in our household. I don't know how the mailman didn't get mixed up. So when we got div, I went back to 1st DH's name--mainly because of the professional reasons. Also I never felt that 2nd DH's last name was "real" since it wasn't his family name, so whatever...In fact, he didn't even tell his siblings & friends that he changed his name--I noticed on Facebook that he's on there w/ his original name, cause no one would know him w/ the 2nd name.

And yes, it's a PITA to change everything. I did the Social Security card & driver's license in one day, but then it's getting new bank accounts, etc. I think I still have some credit cards in his name & it's been almost 2 yrs. So in the unlikely event that I ever get married again, I won't be ever changing my name--3 times is really enough!

Avatar for iernie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 8:22am
With my ex, I took his last name after three years of him cajoling me and telling me I didn't really want to be a part of his life. Btw, I'd suggested hyphenating our two names together to signify this joining of our lives, but he wasn't hearing it. I even suggested he take MY last name. Lol! so after three years, I gave in.
This go around, I took his last name right from the start, because I actually wanted to.
Photobucket

Feb 21 Warner Robins GA

PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket

Click for Virginia Beach, Virginia Forecast
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 2:45pm

I understand. When I married my xH, I took his name. I simply added my maiden name as a second middle name, because my father only had daughters and he didn't want the name to die out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 3:39pm

For the first time around, I did not change my name. I was very adamant. He did want me to, and when I asked for him to express why it was so important to me, he replied with, "Because you're a girl and I own you now." I recall thinking, "This man is not even worthy of me changing my name." Red flag! Sheesh. Happily, that relationship is very over.

For the second time around, I think I will change my name. Rather, I'll make my last name my second middle name (so I'll have four names, just to be nostalgic), and take his last name. Yes it will VEEEEERY odd for me and I'm surprised at myself that I will do that.

But I realized that 90% of the people with my last name are a bunch of drunks that I don't even keep in touch with, and I really admire and respect boyfriend's family. I much rather go to their house for holidays! I would love to be a part of their family.

So do whatever you want! As I was talking on the "Not Quite Engaged" board, different cultures do different things (Iceland is very different for example). To even question whether or not you'll take his name is simply a matter of geography and time. Because if you were born in Iceland you wouldn't even be thinking this.

So just do what you feel is best for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 8:53pm
Sometimes it is just easier to keep the last name rather then change it. When I remarried 11 yrs. ago, I had 1 child in her last yr. of HS. I had rental property, a home, bank accounts.a nursing license,and a long history of being known by the last name of my deceased husband.It just seemed less complicated to continue using that name at the time. Social security and IRS did not have a problem with it until several yrs. later when I filed a tax return using my new husbands name.At that point I had to send in a copy of my marriage license and start changing everything. What a job that was...I worked in a 50 bed section of a nursing home so every page of every patient chart had to have my new signature and initials rewritten for that month.That was a good 5 pages on each patient. Then came all the credit cards,property titles.bank accounts.There were times when I wondered what I had gotten myself into. My DH never asked me to change, I thought it would be a nice gesture on my part. Looking back, I wish I had just continued to keep life simple and not changed the name.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 9:17pm
Absolutely I changed it!!!