Do i take it further?!? very confused, please help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2011
Do i take it further?!? very confused, please help!!!
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 2:41pm

Hi all, I come out of an 8 year relationship in november 2010 (6 months ago) It was my choice to end the relatioship and he was mentally abusive to me for many years and very controlling. I finally got the courage to leave him. I am now living alone with my two children.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Welcome to the board, Gem.

My short answer is to work on being OK without a man in your life. Six months isn't very long after a 8 year R and two kids. Dating might be OK, but to jump into another R is risky. This would be if he was even single. Add to the fact that he is in a R, you really need to sit back right now. If he calls you and he is single, then you can make a decision at that time. But right now, especially if he is not replying to your text, he is actually doing the RIGHT and APPROPRIATE thing to do under these circumstance.

After some time, who knows, maybe it could work. But right now you have bigger fish to fry.

I would suggest getting involved in either community service, single parenting groups, church stuff, a new hobby, or whatever works for you, to meet new people.

If it is meant to be with this guy, then when the time is right it will happen. And if not, then you will so glad you did not interfere with his current R and can be healthy for whom ever you do end up dating, etc.

Good luck and I hope you stick around.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I agree w/ Serenity--you have texted the guy & he didn't even reply--that should tell you something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
I agree the not responding to text is weird.

I do think (possibly?) since he is on the outs with your exH BEFORE your divorce, possibly he assumes you felt the same (negative) things that your exH did, etc----which is why he didnt acknowledge you at party?

HOWEVER---Serenity and Musiclover's advice is MUCH better for you now-----esp Serenity's PS---if he REALLY wanted to leave that GF---he would have/could have done so already-----------no guarantees there AT ALL------

If/when you ever see him again--apologize for your ex's actions---tell him that you've always enjoyed his company and really liked him---------------------------but, beyond that-----yes, follow Serenity and Musiclover's advice.................

There are MANY others in MUCH BETTER situations-------------------

really, for all his complaining of the GF---he's getting *something* there that he's not going to easily leave---------------------you'll be MUCH better off with a truly *single* man.