elope in hawaii?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
elope in hawaii?
21
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 8:01pm

I happen to be going to Hawaii with my boyfriend this summer for my High School Reunion. and since Hawaii is similar to vegas (in that you don't need to be a resident and there is no waiting period), BF has been joking (or being serious) about eloping in Hawaii while we are there...


It would be romantic....


but i never did get a big fancy wedding.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:27am

My first was a formal church wedding, but we got off cheap because both families belonged to the same church, so the minister and organist returned their checks as 'presents'.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:21am

My 1st wedding was very traditional--in the Catholic church w/ the white gown, reception at a country club, everything paid for by my parents. I don't know how many guests we had--it wasn't huge, I'm guessing around 100-125. I really had a good time.

The 2nd one was also traditional, just smaller. We got married in a church, I wore a gown, but it wasn't as formal--no veil. My DS, who was then 5, escorted me down the aisle, which was cute. My DD & DSD were bridesmaids. We had a reception in a nice waterfront restaurant in our town--it was mainly family & some close friends--probably 50 people. I also had a good time at that one--better than the marriage. I actually like planning the weddings--I could have been a wedding planner as a job. I was definitely less stressed about having everything "perfect" at the 2nd one. For ex, my gown was ivory and I had to look far & wide for shoes that were comfortable enough to wear--they were sandals that I thought matched pretty well but the seamstress was distressed because she thought they were too white. I mean, really, were people going to be examining my shoes that closely when I was wearing a long gown? And since I had 3 bridesmaids of different ages, shapes & sizes, they picked out their own gowns--I just said they had to be blue.

I know it would be very romantic to elope--you should talk to Cheryl (inkeddogmom) who did elope to Hawaii. Do you think your kids will feel bad about being left out? Frankly if I ever got married again, which is highly unlikely, it would probably be an elopement or combo wedding/honeymoon cause I just would be too embarrassed to invite the family to a 3rd wedding--can't keep asking the same people for gifts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 12:40pm

Yup. I did elope. My first thought would be...don't get married, just to get married there. Make sure this is something you both truly want and are ready for. You've posted in the past about money issues, church issues, doubt issues, dealing with your past, etc. Have you gotten beyond all that? Or has things gotten better, so you're just ignoring all that? Just want to make sure the eloping isn't just a fun whim, but something serious.

Also, you talked about him paying for it, but in a previous post, you also talked about his lack of funds. I was going to say you can easily spend $4k on a wedding in Hawaii, but maybe that's not the smart thing to do.

If you're ready and serious, I can give you a lot of suggestions, etc. But I dunno. Considering how recent your posts have been, I'm concerned that getting married in Hawaii (or anytime soon), isn't the best thing.

Now for some bg on me. My first marriage was a forced hand in Vegas due to my XH's folks living there. It was there...or nowhere. We had a nice wedding at a chapel and a small reception at a restaurant. Closest thing to "wedding" I've gotten.

Second wedding was in Vegas. Mostly because 2XH and I eloped and were being secretive. We were in love. Soulmates. Figured why not get married since we're there. So we did. Honestly, I'd say I liked that wedding better than the first.

Third (and hopefully last) wedding was on Maui, on the beach, at sunset. We were going to go small, immediate family, etc. But that was still a lot of planning neither he nor I wanted to do. We decided to go to Maui and just get married, alone, on the beach. And we did. We had a small reception when we got home, but nothing major. Our wedding cost us about $2500. Including 1 week hotel, airfare, wedding on the beach, flowers, hair, dress, and photos. Yup, we went CHEAP!!! I loved it.

Anyhow. Whatever you do, do what YOU TWO want. Maybe ask the kids if they want to be included as part of the wedding, or just in attendance.

 





Hosted by imgur.com

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 3:08pm

Cheryl,


that sounds like my idea of a DREAM wedding! My bf and I have talked about how we'd like to get married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 3:24pm

Hi Loony,


I posted to Cheryl above about how getting married in Hawaii sounds FABULOUS and it does, but....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 4:13pm

I second what several posters said about not doing it just to do it.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 9:13pm

thanks to all for some great stories and advice.


yea, a big part of it is the romance of it all. my first two marriages were NOTHING to talk about. it makes me sad to think about it... but i wont' have a pity party. But yea, the idea of a romantic elopement in Hawaii would be something to talk about.


As for some of the other issues: i think most of them are improving. the church thing for example. He's really taken off with this new church we found (church B). while no one is perfect, i'm seeing that he's sincere and he is

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 9:00am

Is this your first vacation together?

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 10:20am
For all the troubles I had w/ my 2nd exH, we were really good at traveling together--we spent a week on our honeymoon in Hawaii and never had one argument. We went to the Bahamas. We went to Washington, DC in the summer and despite the fact that it was really hot & he doesn't like the heat, he didn't even complain when we were trekking around the Smithsonian or to see the monuments. I do think it was the "escape from reality." If it was just the 2 of us, the minor irritations of travel didn't bother him. However, when the kids were around, he wasn't so relaxed. I think it was the daily irritations of life that he couldn't deal with. So when I mentioned this to my therapist once, she said "even after you get divorced, you could still decide to go on vacation together." Well, no--that would just be too weird to me--would we share a room & not have sex? But I really miss having someone to go on vacation with and I'm not adventurous enough to travel alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 2:49pm

No, I'm sorry if I gave the right impression.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Pages