Ever Need a Break?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Ever Need a Break?
4
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 8:04am

There was an incident this weekend in my relationship that left me raw and hurt. I feel like I need a relationship break. Like time away to just heal and be me. Does anyone ever feel like they just need a break? Just to take time off and not think of the hurt or just time off just to get over the hurt. Is this possible? I know in a marriage its hard to just get away. But we arent married yet and for that I am glad.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 8:29am

Laurie - Any feeling or need you feel is valid.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 8:50am

What do you mean by abandonment issues? You got me thinking. Do you mean you feel like he will bail without even working on it? My BF was abandoned by his father and his step father is a real piece of work. Plus his last girlfriend asked him to move out even though they had a son together. He seems to constantly fear that I am going to leave him. This insecurity is killing us. I tell him "I love you" he responds with "I hope so".

Thanks for the response. You got me thinking. I like that. Answers are what I need right now. Confusion has worn me out.

Laurie

anonymous
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 12:55pm

It takes time for abandonment issues to be worked through.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 1:35pm

I think it's good to take a time out if you need to consider whether this relationship is meeting your needs. I think it would drive me crazy to have someone who is so insecure and always thinks that you are going to leave him. The fact is that you could leave him if you decide things aren't working out--you aren't married, arent' living together and could decide that you don't want to marry him. The thing is that even when people are married, as we all know, it doesn't prevent people from leaving because you can still get separated or divorced. There is no guarantee of someone sticking around for life and people just have to deal w/ that. I think the best way to deal w/ it is to try to make the relationship a good one and give it your best but it's always a leap of faith to get married.

Not being trained as a psychologist, but I think if someone has abandonment issues from their childhood that have never been resolved, or from being left by someone they were in a relationship with, that is something that he has to work on for himself, probably in therapy to resolve it. YOU can't solve that problem for him because you are probably doing nothing wrong and it's just his fear. I hope he would be willing to go to therapy to work on that--I'm a big believer in therapy. It really helped me see things about myself & my relationships.