Extremely Moody Husband - help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2002
Extremely Moody Husband - help!
15
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 10:36pm

I have been happily married to my second husband for 4 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 12:10am

Drinking every night sounds like alcoholism, so maybe the job isn't really the root of his problems, especially since these problems have apparently been there through two different jobs and your whole marriage. You might want to try going to Al-Anon. It also helps hugely with not letting someone else's mood or actions dictate your own. Also, I'm not sure how "happily married" and "wonderful stepdad" can exist along with "medicates himself in front of the tv" or "drinks beer 365 days a year." Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 8:25am
I AGREE!!! Even if you're not ready to call it "alcoholism" - just WATCH and see how MANY he is drinking per night!!! I lived with an alcoholic - and let me TELL YOU - DENIAL is not just for the alcoholic. I remember - one night, my ex-hubby looked at me and said, "I know you know I'm an alcoholic." And I remember just thinking, "WHAT???? WHAT??? NO! He can't be an ALCOHOLIC!!!" It's like my head was completely in the sand!!!

I feel like I would have written that very same post that you wrote - with the beer being just a minor detail of the whole situation - but the fact that he says he "hates his job" being what I defined as the "problem."

I ALWAYS felt like I was happily married, in fact! I remember going to counseling for ME - and the counselor kept TALKING about my marriage and my communication with my hubby - and I was thinking - GOSH - the issue is ME!!!

Let's just say - the situation ended in Divorce for me :-( I dunno, honey. It was hard to come to the understanding that good-traits and very-bad-traits exist in the very same person. I held my hubby on SUCH a pedestal - and it really came crashing down on me when HE left ME!

I dunno - maybe you're like me and you FOCUS on all the "wonderful" things about someone and try to downplay the negatives.

Is he drinking TWO beers a night? Or is he drinking a six-pack or more per night? Is it just BEER? Or does he have whiskey and vodka (mixed drinks) too??

Just keep your eyes open. I feel like quite a fool after living with the progression of alcoholism for so long!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 8:00pm

It does sound pretty much like depression and some people take care of that by self medicating w/ alcohol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2002
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 11:03pm

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 11:07am
I was married to a man, just like you describe. I want to suggest you read a book because it truly opened my eyes to the situation. I hope you can maybe get him to read it as well, but it doesn't sound like he is willing to take responsibility for his depression. Am I right? He is blaming the job. Does he have a 'habit' of blaming instead of taking responsiblity? Blame removes all chance for change. The book is titled: I DON"T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, by Terry Real. It is about covert depression in men. I am sure you and pick it up very cheaply at Amazon. The thing is, if he won't admit the problem lies in his attitude towards things, and that he has the power to change his attitude, he will continue to repeat this same pattern. Pam

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 11:43am

I do so feel for you because he sounds so much like my ex.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 12:24pm

Welcome, Sally.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2002
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 10:31pm
Thanks Pam -- sound spot on. Only reason I say that is he hated his last 3 jobs and -- sometimes when I say "honey whats wrong, u never smile?" He'll say "what's there to smile about" yikes! Thanks to all of you. a relief to get your comments
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2002
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 10:32pm
Yes -- he even went to our pastor once to bascially say "am I (my dh) ungrateful, since I hate my job exc" Pastor told him to seek out fun, go on walks with me, exc. He hasn't changed anything. Bothers me that he went to pastor to essentially "vent" but didn't take pastor's advice Thanks for your thoughts IT HELPED
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2002
Tue, 11-16-2010 - 10:37pm
Thank you! I wish I had a good, simple, kind statement that would help his moods pass.. The next time he says "I'm not happy" about himself, I am going to gently suggest going to a counselor. I think the reason he doesn't go is $ is tight, and he's convinced its his "job" he dislikes and not depression -- any ideas?

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