ExW is a constant annoyance

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
ExW is a constant annoyance
11
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 1:07pm

I have been in a very committed relationship with a wonderful man for just over 2 years. I get along wonderfully with his 2 kids and he's gets along similarly with mine. There's absolutely nothing I would chance regarding our relationship....except his ex-wife...


They have been divorced for 4 years and she has supposedly moved on (has been dating the same man for almost a year now) yet she seemingly spends all of her free time thinking of ways to make my life hell.


I have never officially met the ex although I do know who she is and her family since we grew up in the same town only a few years apart. So, for all intent and purposes, atleast in my opinion, there is no reason for her to lash out at me as she has. She continually spreads untrue and nasty rumors about me, she posts offensive and hurtful statements about me and my kids on Facebook, she sends my BF threatening texts of how she's going to kick my a$$ if she ever runs into me, etc. My BF has done his part in getting her to back-off but really there's nothing he can do....it's not like she's going to listen to anything he has to say. This all seems so "high school" and I know I should just look the other way and be the bigger person, but I cannot even begin to explain how much these things bother and hurt me. It's causing a problem between me and my BF since I can't imagine having to deal with these situations for years to come.


Has anyone experienced anything similar? Does anyone have any suggestions on how I should deal with this?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 2:52pm

My BF has done his part in getting her to back-off but really there's nothing he can do....it's not like she's going to listen to anything he has to say. This all seems so "high school" and I know I should just look the other way and be the bigger person, but I cannot even begin to explain how much these things bother and hurt me. It's causing a problem between me and my BF since I can't imagine having to deal with these situations for years to come.


Sigh......yes.........(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) to you............familiar theme here.


I was in similar situation to you as well...where the divorce was a done deal WAYYYY before I even MET my SO, much less got involved.....yet I felt she was raging at me as though **I** was somehow the cause of the break up of her "happy home" .............geesh.


I know in my case, it wasnt so much she wanted him back married to her, it was just that she wanted him available to her 24/7 to do/pay for anything she wanted.........and once he got serious about having a relationship with me........he simply wasnt so "available" to her any more, and she ramped it up bigtime.


I also remember fairly early on (eh, 6-8 months in?) where she was outraged that I "even email" her kids (heck , they were spending EOW with me and SO by that time, and I LIKED them....these were silly little email "forwards" with cute animal pictures, etc......it's not like I was heavily involved in their lives or anything...I forwarded the same ones to my own kids as well......).................whatever.


(in my case, she was/is just an unhappy woman, who wants everyone else to be as unhappy as she is..................my SO even specifically said something to that effect about 6-8 months into our relationship, when we had become serious, and exW knew that, "all I know is that she's real upset to see that I"m happy"......)


hah....so, not sure what to tell you, other than, YES, it **IS** your BF's responsiblity to *protect* you from her as much as possible.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 2:54pm

Although that behavior has not really been my experience, I can tell you that you are not alone.


I wish I had more suggestions for you than what you are already doing.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 3:29pm

Laurena & Serenity,


Thank you so much for your replies! I know that every situation is different, but it helps so much to know that someone understands atleast a portion of mine.


My BF has been more than supportive and has been very upfront with his ex in terms of what is acceptable and what is not. Basically, as one of you mentioned, I am off-limits and none of her business. But again, this goes in one ear and out the other. He has no control over her actions and I do understand that.


I believe you are right in that her goal is to break the 2 of us up. She is resentful that I am friendly

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2010
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 6:49pm

teg1234,


WOW, this sounds so much like me, except we havent been together that long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 12:46pm
My husband ex-wife annoys me with her immaturity. They have been divorced since 2007 and she met someone and had two kids by that man prior to the marriage ending and claimed to moved on, but when that relationship failed and she found out that he remarried and is happy she has posted numerous things directed at me over the internet on social networks and is a constant annoyance to me. I know that she is miserable because she dont have anyone and she left her marriage to be with that man whom turned out to not be the man she hoped him to be, or he left because she is still the woman my husband found her to be, which was his complete opposite with mental issues among other things. She is very vindictive and she has told him he could not see his kids for over three years and all of a sudden she wants him to see them since the man she was seeing is gone. I know that she wants to find a way to annoy me and she uses the kids as leverage over him, but she's driving him a way from the kids. We want the kids in our lives and we have tried to deal with her, but she causes to much stress on us both. Can anyone give some advice on how to deal with a woman like that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 2:19pm

Hi and welcome to the board.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 7:32pm

Your reply, Pam, reminded me of something my kids counselor told my son when he was in grade school.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2010
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 11:32pm
You are so right! It gets a bit overwhelming at times. She doesn't really want him but doesn't want me to have him. I have ignored the immaturity for the best part, but I don't know how much more I can swallow. He do not want to deal with her at all. There were many problems in their marriage, and for years he remained in that marriage being miserable. Her thoughts were we just gone be miserable, opposed to fixing the problem. They were complete opposites and the marriage was rushed. They never truly knew one another, and I belive that played a big role in the marriage not working. He took on all the financial burden because she refused to work and contribute to the finances. He became stressed and was away from the home a lot. She thought that was ok as long as he payed for everything. Now years later she has four kids now and still refuse to work, now that man has left and now she wants to cause havoc in my life with my husband and I . I realize that envy and jealousy play a big part in this situation. My husband and I are best friends and for the first time in his life he feels loved and he loves whole hearted. That is what bothers the EX-Wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2010
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 11:47pm
You, can report the post on facebook and there is a cyberbullying law as well. That is harassment and you can go talk with your prosecutor in your city. Stop it now so that your kids are not effected. You have a right to be at peace, and not have to deal with his past baggage. I have been going through a similar situation and I refuse to keep going through it so I plan to take legal action if the post are not removed off of facebook.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 6:58pm

Thanks mrsheem.


I have saved all of her facebook posts and also the horrible text msgs that she sends to my BF about me. (He sometimes forwards them to me).


At this point, I don't want to pursue legal action since I think that will just make things worse. But I'm saving the "evidence" just incase I do need to take legal action in the near future. Right now I'm trying to be the bigger person in this situation and not act like a scorned teenager. LOL.

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