feeling left out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
feeling left out
12
Wed, 10-27-2010 - 6:40pm

ok D-Boarders, I need some perspective here...

Second marriage began in July.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 11:28am

Hi Honnee!

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 11:39am

The board crashed and I thought I lost my original post, but then five minutes later, they both showed up.

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 5:32pm
Thanks Pam. I know this is more about me and how I'm feeling than Hubby and ex. I was fine with DH telling me he didn't need me there eventhough I KNOW he IS emotional about it. I just thought it was something he wanted to do alone rather than have witnessed and I respected that. It was when I found out that she was going to be there after I was told no thanks that I was upset. I don't want to tell DH i'm upset because it seems we are always dealing with an ex issue and I dont want him to think I'm always going to be "on him". He makes great efforts to fix things in regards to boundries with his ex.....once they have become a problem for me. I am tired of complaining but this has me so upset. I've felt ...I dunno....mad? ...about some of the boundry issues we've had but this is the first time I've felt hurt. I can't help wondering if in the years to come, I'll be left home again as the other pets die or as other parts of THEIR relationship culminate in whatever ways they might....
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 7:58pm

My first thought was, well, lets take the dogs out of it and look at what really is going on.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 10:58am

Serenity touched on something and that is, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the dog (or kids, or exes).

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 11:31am
Pam, I totally understand what you are saying. It happens alot when people are in residential treatment. My second DH was feeling great, all detoxed and everything. Meals being cooked for him, focusing on himself, etc. etc. While I was home with the kids and all that goes along with that, going up there every night after work to see him. I was exhausted, and he was rested and happy. I was p*ssed.

It can be a catch 22, because on the other hand, I don't want my SO to get all of his "good enough" from me, either. It is healthy they are OK without us there, yet we still instinctually "want to be wanted." Sometimes we just really want to hear "I want you there with me."

Good example, Pam.
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 5:37pm

Well, the deed is done. The dog is in a better place. Hubby admits is was much harder than he thought and that he did need support which he got from the vet and her assistant (if he got it from ex, he has enough sense not to tell me).

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 5:59pm
I only have a second, but wanted to say that when my first MIL passed away a couple years ago, the first person I did call was my SO balling my eyes out. (I just happened to be there litterally when she died) But after I got off the phone with him, I went right to a girlfriends house. Granted, SO was working on site I believe that day, but point being I just think sometimes when we have the pasts that we do, it just goes like this sometimes.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 9:52pm

Honnee--

My 2 cents---she *gave* the pets to him---you and he are the current owners---it should be you and he there.

He could be nice and allow her to come over to say "goodbye" before you two (three) leave for vet----

If she was admant re: wanting to go to vet, he could let her have the honors instead of him.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 10:13pm

To sum up, I am guessing although he is sad, he doesn't feel he needs you litterally by his side during the procedure.

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