Feels Like It's Over : (

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Feels Like It's Over : (
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 7:30pm

DH and I have been having increasing problems over the past two years. It just keeps getting worse and worse and the arguing and fights have now almost become a daily occurrence. I am beginning to think that our marriage was a HUGE mistake. We were arguing about money. I've had health issues lately. I had to have a CT scan of my bladder and kidneys to the tune of $600. Hubby flipped out. He started ranting about unexpected medical bills and how many more tests am I going to have and how much is the specialist going to cost. Really hurt my feelings as I have been sick with UTIs for months and I need empathy and understanding, NOT this. Turns out I have kidney stones so I'm terrified. I also have a cyst

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 7:56pm
oh...{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you DP!!

Y'know.....ranting about bills is one thing----but MEDICAL bills?! ---would he rather you had an incurable condition and just keeled over dead? Does he think you WANT to have these health issues and need to go for medical care? GEESH! ! ! !


Is/has there been any "counseling" involved? Honestly---he sounds just heartless----is he saying that you should go without medical care?

I'm also sorry your'e having all of the flack from exH----but at least he's "ex" and you'd somewhat expect it from that side----but your DH?? ?? ??
It just doesnt sound like he values you/your life at all----?

Of course all his friends are poor baby, I'm so sorry, you are so right, blah blah.

What, he's right that his wife shouldnt get medical care?

{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs/hugs/more hugs!}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm not sure what else to say-----but things WILL get better---one way or another.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 8:04pm

This is just me, but being bashed online is just too much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 11:47am
To clarify....

Are you/is he working? Do you both have medical insurance? If so, is it not covering the cost of what you are having done?

One of the things that I experienced w/SO in the beginning when the CS/alimony payments were at their worst was the "unexpected" medical bills that would come in at random times...it was very frightening to me b/c I knew that SO was barely financially hanging on...therefore, I strongly encouraged him to enroll in his flexible spending plan that set aside $ so he wouldn't be blindsided by the bills anymore...even though $ was sooo tight...this has helped in immeasurable ways...

However, DP if that was all you were dealing with then it would be much easier...you have numerous things going on that you've posted before and some of what you've touched on here are just troubling (to say the least)...

The name calling is standing out to me as a huge red flag...my ex would do this and when I look at how detrimental it was (only b/c now with SO it would NOT happen-on both our parts)...

Also, I feel as though SO would lay down his life for me, not question a medical doctor's opinion, did your DH suddenly become an MD? This is your health/life you're talking about...at a bare minimum he should be "invested" in that...

FB ( I've largely come to believe-can be used appropriately-for family/friend connections/other things) or in some cases (due to what I've seen SOs ex do) is the ultimate way to seek attention (kind of like the "poor me" syndrome), I mean really he's broadcasting your private medical business/marital relationship so he can get sympathy...PUHLEASE...serious red flag...

No one can tell you what to do...but...you have all you need to at least start making some preliminary inquiries to exactly what your life would look like w/o him...

I kind of look at it like we all went through way too much crap in our "previous lives" not to really have the BEST possible the next time...KWIM? Hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 04-28-2012 - 1:26pm

I"m really sorry to hear this--being mad at someone for unexpected medical bills is really low.