Finances

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Finances
43
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 4:56pm

I read not long ago that the reason second marriages fail is two-fold - kids and money.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 3:36pm

Actually, I guess that's not entirely true...dh and I have been fighting about kids for most of our relationship...his boys with drugs and my daughters with disrespect to me (dh can't stand that).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:25am
Startingover:

You said you lived together for a year, but it wasnt until combined checking accounts that fights began----------does DH not see that also?

Seems like a no-brainer then.....

Anyhow:
RE: dad "was there " for child when you werent----yeah, I get that with my kids also----my exH was NOT paying attention to details of kids lives---always left that to me. So, now were divorced, kids are young adults---he's the same, not paying attention to details........so, young son is taking on huge amounts of debt unwisely, mom (me) discusses this with him----the down side to all of this ----and he tells me I'm not "supportive" of him like dad is---dad DOESNT pay attention to these details of what son's actually doing, and just nods and says, "that's nice, son"------------

RE: in 2-3 years this will be over----

from my experience, some parents who are in habit of giving kids money for (EVERYTHING) will continue to do so......


(sigh)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 7:33pm

{{{{SERENITY}}}}}

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 5:32pm

Dee,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 5:06pm

Laurena,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 4:30pm

I used to feel that way about gifts too esp. since sometimes my ex would use his debit card so even before Christmas I would see money coming out of the acct, like a charge for Victorias Secret or something that I knew I didn't make--he could at least have used cash.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 2:21pm

that sounds familiar, my ex always accused me of having an affair and our blond haired blue eyed son not being his. When someone gets that in their head, and they want to be that suspicious, there is not a darn thing yiu can say or do about it.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 12:59pm
Judge Judy was on Suze Orman one time and her and her DH do "yours, mine, and ours." She said when you have children from a previous marriage it is just best. As she said, what fun is it for your DH to buy you a present and see the money come out of your joint account.

That may not be the best overall example, but her perspective, regardless.

I think the main thing is that there are still joint goals. Such as saving for vacation, or what have you. Each spouse then does have the right to choose how much of their own paycheck they put towards that goal.

I think if me and SO do marry, we may put eachothers name on the accounts simply as a signature in case of emergency or death, but still essentially continue on with our own accounts.

When my GF got married they put her on his main checking account, and even though all of their children are grown, no CS, he makes a ton more than she does and it is causing a lot of problems. He was just single for too long and he is not adjusting to it well, at all. He questions every dollar she spends, even though she deposits her paycheck into the same account. It is just a mess.

We are having similar struggles with DSS17. On a smaller scale, and he is going to school everyday, but boy it is hard. My thoughts have always been that you need to love and accept your children exactly the way they are, but that does not mean you have to allow bad and potentially illegal behvior in your home. And THAT is where the termoil lays. Sigh...
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 12:06pm

I was looking at the most recent Oprah magazine and there was some similar type of question to Dr. Phil.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 12:00pm

Well one interesting thing (and I have to take everything that my ex says w/ a grain of salt) is that he thinks that she isn't really his bio DD--he thinks that his former wife (who died, so he can't ask her) had an affair.

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