Finding a church together

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Finding a church together
19
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 7:16pm

ugh... this is proving to be exhausting. I know it is worth it in the end but i'm also aware that the journey to find

Pages

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 1:44am

I figure if the person wants to go then s/he is motivated enough so they won't have to be forced/coddled/dragged to go.

If you get up and he does not get up in time then I would recommend you and your children go on without him. If he has his own car then he can catch up and show up late or not at all.

This will demonstrate how serious he is about it or not.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 9:15am

I agree Mark.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:18am

I totally agree with everything you said Mark.

Loony,
If he's not ready, go without him. Maybe you doing that once or twice will open his eyes to the fact that you are serious about going to church. So far he's been doing great at meeting your needs and expectations, so hopefully he'll get up to speed on this one too. Good luck!


Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 10:25am

Only suggestion I might add is ...deliberately seeing that both of you get to bed earlier on saturday nights when want to get up sunday am?


(sounds simplistic....but for many of us, ESP us "non morning folks"....after a week of work, we're just TIRED ..........)


I know for myself....I was going to a local church that had (to me) pretty darn early sunday services....eventually, I had to realize I wasnt getting that much inspiration there, and HATED getting up that early....and started looking elsewhere.


I think if he's truly getting alot out of the service, AND has enough rest, ...he'll get up and go.


So, maybe its a combination of:


1. finding the right place


and


2. getting enough sleep BEFORE the alarm goes off?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 11:04am

Good point Laurena. I'm the type of person that refuses to do anything on a Sunday (note, I'm not religious nor attend church, but am adding my two cents, lol). Even golf. I'm not even big on going to golf. I don't even like getting up early for Koji's agility trials. I force myself.

I would do as Mark suggested. Leave once early and see what happens. If he continues to wake up late, I have 2 thoughts. 1, he's sabotaging the situation unconsciously because he doesn't want to really go or 2, as Laurena said, maybe he's tired. I would look into a church that has later services, OR maybe you guys can have a nice homemade breakfast (later) and then hit an afternoon service? I know my churchgoing friends go at all times of the day/week. just a thought.

If I'm way off base due to your religion, I apologize.

 





Hosted by imgur.com

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 11:45am

This is all new to me, the idea of picking out a church. I was raised Catholic, so you just go to whatever the closest Catholic church is usually, whether you like the priest or not. My 1st DH I would say is more religious than me, even though I am the one who went to Catholic school from 1-8 grade and went to a Catholic college. So it was kind of automatic to go to church. I don't know if I got that much out of it, it was just kind of the routine and how we were raised. My 2nd DH was also raised Catholic but he was not into church going, probably because he was molested by his uncle, who was a priest. At that time, there was a lot going on in our area about the priests molesting people & it disturbed him. But on the other hand, he made his DD go to religious education class & get confirmed.

At this point, I don't really go that much. I do like our priests but I'm not convinced the Catholic church is for me. I do have DS go to religious education (which he hates) and we are supposed to go to mass first, so I will go w/ him. I think I would be more comfortable w/ the beliefs of the Congregational church, which is where we got married.

But to get back to your question, I would agree that you're not his mom, so if he's not ready, go w/o him a few times. Does he work late on a Sat. night? I could see how that could make him not want to get up early on Sunday, so maybe finding a church that has a later service or one on a Sat. would be better. I would think it would be difficult having to shop around to all the different Protestant denomenations, since everyone is based on the same Bible, but they have different ways of interpreting it, more conservative or more liberal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 2:38pm

yes, Mark, i almost did that this past sunday. I was going to go without him. BUT then he got up and started getting ready... and i thought that i couldn't leave him while he was making an effort. Then i got upset thinking, wow, we'll never make it on time and he's still in the shower... so, i struggled with the idea of just leaving him or not. I wondered if it would be selfish of me to leave him behind. Afterall, i was raised in a church that believed in bringing people to church and not simply inviting them.


But in hindsight, yes, i should have left him since he wasn't ready on time. And yes, Amanda, i think in hindsight, that would have displayed that it means a lot for me to go and allow him to motivate himself.


on the one hand, i'm just so happy he started going with me in the first place. but not because i feel like his mom, but more because of my needs in a partner. and if he didn't show interest i would have started distancing myself from him, etc. So, with that said, now i need to have some patience. I stated to him what i expect and now i need to let things unfold.


thanks for the opinions...


Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 2:54pm

to laurena82 and musiclover12, thanks for your suggestions on how to make getting up easier. A good morning starts with a good night.


but yes, my BF works late on Saturday nights. And i do understand that getting up early would be tough. I'm not a morning person either. So, as we search for the right church home, one of my main criteria is a reasonable start time. But maybe this one we're checking out at 6pm Saturday will work out. That gives him enough time to get to work afterwards too.


i do have faith that once we find the right church, that will be motivation enough for us both. in my spirit, i like to go NOT because it is routine but because i truly believe it will improve my life.


hmm.... i wonder if finding the right church is like dating? I've heard preachers talk about "marrying" yourself to a local church (that is, once you find the right one). And if i take the same positive attitude i had while dating, then maybe i can enjoy searching for the right church rather than feeling like it's work. yay... i think i found my answer.


thanks all,


Loonybunny

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 2:57pm

I would think if you went ahead you won't be leaving him behind since he'll be showing up later yes?


You can say "I'll save you a seat next to me when you get there honey for I don't want to be late."


My gf and I go bicycling with a group Sunday morning and if we are not there on time then they leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 3:07pm

Hi, Loony.

Pages