forgiveness after divorce, hard to be happy in new marriage
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|Mon, 10-14-2013 - 1:00pm|
I left a fifteen year marriage after being diagnosed with lupus. I reevaluated my life and happiness and spoke to husband fully before leaving. We were on the same page, we were just friends and roommates. I reunited with first live and now am married to him. I couldn't take kids with me when I left due to finances. Then husband now lost his job and I we were homeless for a while and I haven't seen my kids in three years after being full time wife and mom. I'm back on track and will be flying my kids here this summer but things are so strained between ex and I now, I'm hated by him and his new love. They don't try to hide it. I'm guilt riddled about leaving, and I feel like the only woman in the history of women to have ever left and not had money to take kids. I squash any smiles or joys today because I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm exhausted. I'm now obsessed with my flaws and faults and wrongdoings. To top it off, my ex holds nonpayment of child support over me as a threat so I don't stand up to him. I never worked during marriage, I was a homemaker and can't work now due to illness. He knows that, I w diagnosed before leaving. I'm scared of that or jail even, he knows I fear that. I'm drowning in guilt and fear and faults. Please help. I don't know where to start to forgive me or to move forward. Or to find joy again. Thank you in advance, and I can take honesty.