grumpy old men

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
grumpy old men
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 4:14pm

   Ok...I know most of you are younger than I am, but do your dh's/SO's ever get grumpy?  Mine sure does.  UGH  Why can't men just say, "I'm not feeling well or I've had a bad day at work, etc.." and tell us WHY they're grumpy?  With my dh, it's either, he's either had a bad day workwise, his chest is hurting (he suffers chronic pain due to nerve damage during a surgery 10 years ago), or he simply doesn't feel well.  I've had to tell him more than once, that whatever is it, I don't deserve to have him take it out on me.  THEN he shuts up.  sigh

 Anyway, I got home last night and was telling dh about my DD25 getting an apartment, he immediately said, "You're not getting involved and doing nothing to help her."  JUST like that!  He should know after 4 years that telling me what I can and cannot do regarding my children simply isn't going to fly with me.  I said to him, "And YOU never helped YOUR older 2 (who are now 29 and 30) after THEY were 25 years old??  OMG!!! REALLY???  Wow.  He shut up.  As a matter of fact, helping his mentally ill 30 year old son is going to be a constant in our life and affects us financially.  Granted, his sons all have problems, but I will not let him dictate what I can or cannot do to help my children.  To be honest, ladies, my dh exhausts me sometimes.  He's strong-willed, hard headed and WHY he feels the need to tell me what to do is beyond me.  Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, but he's kind of being a slow learner when it comes to me.  

As for other wives, like Druidpixie...I think if spouses flirted more with each other and lightened up, they'd be better off.  Dh and I still do and often tell each other we're each other's favorite "playmate".  :)  It's unfortunate life comes between people and tears them apart.  As you all know, it's really only the "his kid"/ "my kid" thing that we argue about and probably always will which is ridiculous since they're all adults.  sigh

Glad to hear, Serenity, that you and SO have only grown closer.  I agree with you...when you can get through the tough times, it DOES bring you closer.  :)

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 7:57pm

Why can't men just say, "I'm not feeling well or I've had a bad day at work, etc.." and tell us WHY they're grumpy?  

I wish I knew the answer to that.  It would be so much easier if they did.  We all have bad days, but why men can't seem to just say "I am tired, grumpy, sore, or what have you," has yet to elude me. 

It just difuses so much tension when we can do that.  I am getting better at not letting it get to me, and speaking up accordingly. 

Time to get out of here, it 's 5:00! 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 9:07am

Interesting question----

Y'know, *men* are such *fixers* by nature.............i wonder if (subconsciously?), if they identify a *cause*, then they feel obligated to *fix* it.......................(and maybe they're so grumpy, they dont want to have to deal with *fixing* anything at the time?)...........

(and we already know they arent good at just identifying feelings WITHOUT offering a *fix*...?)

who knows.............

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2013
Thu, 04-11-2013 - 1:01pm
Men sometimes vent too but more often to other men. They can learn to not fix women, but usually it is advisable for women to let them know they need to vent only and don't want to be fixed. Other women do it too by the way--trying to fix people's problems. I think it's actually a unisex issue.