had a "moment"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
had a "moment"
11
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 11:53am

I had my first moment of

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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 12:35pm

She really didn't do anything more than hurry them up so I figure this is more of a me issue than a her issue.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 2:16pm

sorry it made you uncomfortable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 2:33pm

I can understand it being weird because it used to be her home and it was the marital home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 3:21pm

When our kids were little, I always used to go in the ex's house (w/ his 2nd DW) when I picked them up and we would chat about anything to do w/ the kids. Sometimes his DW was there, sometimes not. I mean, at the time our DS was a toddler so I actually had to physically get him & bring him to the car. But what was funny but somewhat awkward for me, was that as DS got older, if my ex & his DW had something done to their house, he would invite me in to show it to me. I would be thinking "I'm sure that his DW would not really want me being shown her new whatever." But as time went by, it got more normal to be there--my DD's high school graduation party was even at their house.

When you marry someone w/ kids & an ex, you really never get rid of the ex, at least until the kids are grown & on their own, so just be glad if they get along.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 3:27pm
What about the ex that calls wanting to discuss something about the kid and then when the guy gives her an opinion she gets mad at him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 8:49pm
Wheew!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 2:40am
Strangely, I always thought I would feel like you if I saw the ex of my DH. I am very emotional and cannot hide it easily. Yet when it happened that when she first time came to our house I was alone at home for a while expecting the others including her. it was the pre-wedding lunch for her DD which was organized in our house and cooked by me. I was absolutely calm and hospitable, I talked to her as I would to any unknown woman with whom we had something in common to speak about. (we talked about how we are expecting to plan the rest of the day and then she asked me questions about me and then spoke a bit what she was doing etc). Maybe it was so because I was the hostess and she was the guest, I am brought up to treat the guests as the most dear friends as soon as they came and as soon as you invited them to come. By the way she is not an easy person at all specially at what she says and behaves very unpredictably as I was told. Yet I never saw it, in my presence she had always perfect manners and was amicable to me and the same from my part.
So the problem of ex just never existed in my second marriage. She is for me as a distant relation who is the part of the family and whom I see sometimes. I had some bits of jealousy only watching their old pictures but when we are together in reality, her, my DH, me, other people I feel nothing of this kind at all. I am not a reason of their divorce anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:46am

When the ex first moved out, it only took one time of him stopping by without calling for me to let him and both boys know that the polite thing to do is call first.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 10:41am
This reminds me of my best friend's situation which is the way it is because she never set those boundaries w/ her ex. First he moved to another house in the neighborhood so they could have joint custody of the kids. A few years later, he convinced her that it would solve their financial problems if she let him move back in, but they didn't get back together financially, but in every way except sleeping together, they still acted like a family. So then a few years later, the sons were both going to be in college & she didn't want to just be living w/ her ex so she went as far as to sell the marital home (which she had bought from him in the divorce) to get him out & he bought his own condo. But he still acts like he can come & go as he pleases in her house. Sometimes the sons will let him in, but sometimes he just goes into her house when she's not home. One day she & I came in from being out all day to find him in her living room watching TV. The problem was that he has a fancy show sportscar and she let him keep it in her garage cause he doesn't have a garage at his condo, so once he's in the garage, he can get into her house by knowing the access code & doesn't need a key. So even though she will get mad at him and tell him not to come over, he doesn't pay attention. I think she would actually have to get a BF before things will change, because I don't think he would feel comfortable being around if there was another guy there--but who knows, maybe he would hope to drive the other guy away?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 8:45am

I think that boundaries should be set especially if you've moved on and remarried or are supposed to be remarrying.


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