Has anyone considered living apart?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Has anyone considered living apart?
24
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 4:42pm

I am a divorced mother of 2 boys, 9 and 15... I have been dating a man who is a divorced father of 1 boy, 9, for the better part of the past 5 years..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 8:28pm

Hi Cant,


It sounds to me like you are completely fine with the idea.......so as long as he's happy, too..........is there a problem? (doesnt look like it to me....)


There was a poster Tanza who lived separate from DH, but there were other (negative) issues there.......and I dont see similarities to your situation, based on your post, anyhow.


Hope you stick around and keep us updated :)


BEST WISHES!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 9:54am
I think if both of you are fine w/ this arrangement it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks about it, but you know you will get a lot of flack & questions, if that's what you decide to do. I just wonder---why not leave things the way they are? You can be personally committed to each other w/o being married and since you're not planning on living together, why not wait until the kids are grown & then get married?
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 3:49pm

I have a GF who did exactly what you are talking about.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Sun, 05-09-2010 - 4:06pm

Thanks for the replies everyone :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 3:24pm

I do not think you are crazy at all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 10:51pm

Things are much better for us now though...she's almost 18 and can control herself better and he has let go quite a bit as well...so in that sense...things have improved a lot.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 5:44pm

I think it's a great idea and I'll tell you why (hopefully you will learn from my sad experience)...

I remarried 2 years ago. Prior to that DH lived an hour away and we saw each other on weekends. In hindsight we should've kept it that way. Getting married and sharing a home when there is a special needs child in the picture has turned out to be a nightmare.

My DD from first marriage had some psych/behavioral issues prior to the marriage--they got much worse after DH moved in. My 2nd DH turned out to have MAJOR issues with understanding her illness and being too harsh of a disciplinarian, which only helped to push DD over the edge. It also was very painful for DD to have to suddenly "share" me with someone else in the home. The entire situation has turned out to be disastrous and I am contemplating divorce.

He was the perfect BF and had we married and lived apart, we might have had a chance for a happy future. Now I'm fairly sure too much damage has been done to all parties involved, so even if we opted to live apart, there is too much sadness and resentment to make it work:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:30pm

Wow rbmom that is a sad story, but I can totally see how this could happen like I said in my previous post with a "child with issues" and an "outsider" aka BF/new DH.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 1:02pm
My mom and I joke a lot that, if we only had our own apartments to escape to every so often, our married lives would be so much easier. ;) I think that, if it works for both of you, then why not? You have the best of both worlds (and properties lol).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 1:58pm

(completely off topic)


Hi Tasha--


I just had to comment on your kitty picture .... :0) !!


I had two cats that were brothers.....and lived together ...sleeping/grooming each other like that for 11 years....til one died suddenly 2 years ago......


(it was so sad.....you couldnt tell the other one what had happened to his brother!....he was lost....)


He's now our "best buddy"....this is the brother who was always the more typical "cat like"/aloof one...............----> why did he need humans? ...lol...he had his brother!


Anyhow..it was always so sweet to see them sleeping together, etc....

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