Has anyone found Military love online?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Has anyone found Military love online?
10
Tue, 01-11-2011 - 9:51pm

I'm so glad that i came to this message board. I was in the online dating message board and what a downer lol. I mean there were a lot of valid points on there but every question that I had was answered with a negative answer. Not very encouraging for someone who went through a horrible breakup their ex, has huge trust issues, and is trying to give love a shot again. Anyway, i met a guy online a few days ago. So far, we're hitting it off really well. Only time will tell where this relationship goes but we do see each other as marriage material. He's in another state on a special ops assignment and we have not met yet. He explained how his time off goes and i'm cool with it. Someone mentioned on the last message board that I should just forget him because he's in the military and it's long distance so it would never work. I'm an optimist and the way i see it is that i know what i'm getting myself into and i have pleanty of time to see if i can deal with it. He explained to me what his job entails and how often he would have to be away from home If we get together, i'm ok with that. Can anyone offer me any support and advice as to how to prepare for the possibility of being a miltary wife. Has anyone found military

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 8:46am
Hi Donna--

I cant speak to the "military" aspect---but there have been a couple of others in such relationships on here, maybe one of them will.

RE: the long distance and online meeting part------I think one of the biggest issues is that you dont *see* the full person living in their *normal* situation----you see/hear your online conversations, phone conversations, occasional weekend visits----all that you're learning of the person is "out of context" of their normal everyday life-----------

---------and so the part you *arent* seeing---you tend to "fill in the blanks" the way you'd WANT it to be--------(and you, as an optimist, would of COURSE be seeing it/him all positive!---which is not necessarily bad---> people tend to live up to your expectations of them-----but not always...... ;-( .....)

(for example, there have been posters who thought the guy was great/got along fine, etc, the guy would come and visit them, etc etc---went on for a couple years, ...THEN she started going to see him at his place some----and she learned his EX WIFE was running his entire life there----even decorating his house, helping him prepare for the GF's visit!! !!----then he went over to ex's house during GF's one weekend visiting---the exW created some "need" for guy to come help her with broken washing machine---he wound up eating dinner at exW's place, spending most of evening there----GF (poster) and guy got in a huge fight (WTH? GF comes to visit from HUGE distance away--like another country---and he choses to spend his evening with his EX WIFE? !!)---GFleft for a motel that night-----and EX WIFE comes storming over next am raging at her for getting into fight with the guy!----------------> just weirdo unbelievable stuff, that, you would *never* suspect----this woman "knew" the guy through online/long distance visits for a couple of YEARS before this happened!)

For myself, long distance has been frustrating, in that you get to a point where you're ready to become exclusive with him-----but you're "alone" for a couple of weeks at a time or whatever since cant get together that often. Some people dont have a problem with that----they have a full day to day life, and are *fine* with it---even some folks after being married live apart for career reasons---------------------------

-------but this isnt everyone, and it isnt as "easy" as a normal relationship (and who ever said a "normal" relatinship is easy...LOL!!)

Anyhow, I'm assuming you're asking "general" questions-----and not jumping too quickly over the guy you "met" online one week ago------

I did the online dating for awhile after my divorce, and alot of guys sounded great until you met them.......and others seemed pretty good even after that.......until you got to know them FURTHER--------------so, please, dont jump too fast here!

BEST WISHES---and keep us posted!

I'm sure others will have good responses for you ;-) !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 9:48am

Hi Donna and welcome!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 1:16pm

Hi and welcome to the board Donna.

CMTasha gave you 2 other military specific boards I think you should also visit. From what I know, it's not easy being in a LDR and the guy being in the military makes it that much harder. Does that mean it never works? No, of course not. Does that mean you guys are going to face a ton of challenges that you might not have to face otherwise, yes. I wouldn't go so far as to say don't even bother with this guy, but I will say this.....as long as you're truly okay with what could happen (broken heart, finding out he's married, has kids, cheats on you, etc) and are a big enough woman to handle it, then go forth. But I would go forth with more of a reality check than rose-colored glasses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Wed, 01-12-2011 - 3:09pm

We'll see how it goes and yes, I am prepared to take things really slow as I am a single mom and am very protective of my son. Anyhow, you brought up the issue of working on my trust issues. How does one do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2011
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 11:24am

Im in a bit of a rut....I read your post it is similar but not to much...

I met a guy online, military and all..Divorced, hurt, mother passed away, family is broken.

He doesn't know whether to come and see me because he doesn't want to be hurt again.

I at the moment have gone silent, because I have a choice....I either allow him to come when

ever he is ready, or I move on...Shoot I don't like to go silent because I'm so used to communicating with

him..And he is responsive..It is just that, when he isn't planning to come and I need to see him physically

I'm hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Tue, 05-31-2011 - 7:09pm

I understand. My DB is divorced and I can't see him when

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2011
Thu, 06-02-2011 - 6:33pm
So then...I hear that for a divorced man, and really loving him, you have to respect him and give him time. I know this is really vague, but, I guess it depends, maybe they will change and come through, or not. I'm still in limbo, I also know that some men don't pull through and really commit and find another, and do so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2011
Sun, 06-05-2011 - 11:15am

My bf is special ops (Army Ranger) and unless he is on assignment if he can see me, he will see me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sun, 06-05-2011 - 12:35pm

That's true to an extent... I know of women who's spouses are in SF and SEALS and they spend the entire time they're away without contact due to the nature of the deployment. So, it's not always up to them and it doesn't always necessarily mean that they love them any less. Also different branches of the military most likely have different rules from what I've learned. i heard that movie is good... i'm going to rent it sometime. Thank god my boyfriend is just as into me as I am to him! So how long was your boyfriend deployed for? I'm assuming that you guys were able to communicate all day everyday because he loves you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2011
Sat, 06-11-2011 - 9:18am
Yes, To spartandawg & donnakny24...we just have so much advice here that we have to see what happens...the easy way is out, but no one wants to do that when they think they have found someone special. If it isn't meant to be eventually we will find out.