he wants to see his kids....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2011
he wants to see his kids....
16
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 11:05am

My kids and I moved in with DF in summer 2011.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 11:23am

I think being the Disney dad is not the answer--kids should be able to spend time w/ their parents just hanging around and doing normal family things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2011
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 11:36am

It is a lot more serious than this... he can't go with his eldest for dinner, she wont even respond to his emails!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 12:38pm
Ugh, I can relate. Different details on both sides over here, but same premise.

To be brief, I have learned that as painful as it is to watch, I have to stay out of the R business with my SO and his kids. I still think the parent has a responsibility to continue to offer a olive branch, but no one can make that kid want to see there dad.

SO's kids are older, so easier for me stay out of it. He has no R with his DD's right now, 24 and 21. Things were good with DD21 until about a year ago. R with DD24 was strained before I ever met SO. I don't even know her. I did develop a R with DD21, and I still have limited contact with her on Facebook. We are still hopeful that R can be mended.

I don't pretend to understand the dynamics of the "silent scorn", as it has never been my experience with my family.

I realize it must be very painful for your DF, especially since she is so young, but to be honest, my SO finally just had to accept that this is how things are, at least for now.

I gotta' run, but I hope something in there was at least a little bit helpful.
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 4:36pm

That is very odd.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 4:45pm

that's a good question, sounds like the mom definitely has a role in this. She should be encouraging DD to communicate with Dad and not encouraging the distance.

Its sad when parents let personal feelings interfere with child parent relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2011
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 8:51am

Serenity, have you ever wondered what happened for your DH daughters not to want to have a relationship with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 5:00pm
My vote is negative influence by mom...we are also dealing with this exact issue and I think the problem will magnify much more sooner rather than later...SO has 4 kids-ages 21, 19, 15, and 8. Older two visitation not an issue anymore, but with younger 2 problems now cropping up...realistically, 15 year old visits will probably stop soon or change to once in awhile due to friend's, sports, job hopefully, etc.
Unfortunately, 8 yr old has been pulling some water work dramatics lately about how he doesn't want to "come with dad" especially if DSD isn't coming...in addition I do think there is some of ex planning things purposefully on what would be his time and naturally that fuels DSSs fire to not want to come...doesn't help that ex basically allows DSS to run her household which is also probably another issue that doesn't happen here...for example SO was supposed to have kids New Years Day...he was going to pick them up fri the 30th and have an overnight then bring them back b/c her new year's eve and then go backnew year's day...DSS pulled his nonsense and of course ex let him stay all the while complaining something has to change...uh yeah you have to parent for a change...then SO gets a text supposedly from DSS on new years eve saying dont worry about picking them up for new year's day b/c they wanted to be in city with ex...c'mon like she really needed to share her plans with them?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 5:07pm
Sorry posting on phone is a challenge...point being she has made SO unimportant to them just likes she treats him...as an ATM...oh then have valuable he becomes...it is very sad to watch and SO has said as much...unfortunately for him he knows there is no way to fight it and does try to maintain contact in other ways...and I've really been trying hard lately not to engage with the situation b/c it only creates conflict for us...he alone has to deal w/this and he is always positive thinking that he knows he's doing the right things and ultimately they will see that...I'm not always so sure, but that's for him to deal with...ironically, she continues to try to use them to hurt him, but little does she know he sees it for what it is...she's really hurting no one but them (and herself b/c being with DSS all time can't be easy since he is a handful)...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 5:16pm
Forgot to add that I believe ex gets a charge out of the fact that DSS "doesn't want to be w/dad" b/c that just reinforces to her that she was "right" and the divorce was all his fault and he's a POS blah blah blah...b/c she will never get over it, move on, or stop being resentful and bitter...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 10:04pm
Hi Jw--

I'm wondering if you have any thoughts re: why DD13 is so avoidant of dad, yet DD12 is not?

Does DD12 offer any *whys* that DD13 voices to her?


Try googling PAS--Parental Alienation syndrome for more ideas along that line......

FWIW---My SO's DD completely shunned him for quite a few years, but now they are close again, and DD realizes mom's role in it.

Anyhow---WELCOME!----looking forward to hearing more from you!

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