Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Help!
7
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 3:28pm

Hello, all. I'm new here and need some insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
In reply to: rollercoaster1
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 4:57pm

Hi roller coaster,


Just wanted to say "hi" and "welcome" !


There are a few widowed who post here, and many/most who deal with "blended households" which sounds like alot of the issue.....and a few who have had some REAL issues with moving into exW's houses/deceased wives shrines, etc etc.....


......so I'm sure you'll get some feedback.


Things tend to be slow over the weekend, so be sure to check again after the weekend...


Are you able to tell your DH your feelings re: lack of space?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: rollercoaster1
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 5:35pm

Welcome!

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: rollercoaster1
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 7:07am

I am glad you posted this as I might soon be in the same situation. My SO wants me and DD to move into his home but for different reasons. He wants to keep his home because he is insecure in the relationship and doesnt want to end up being single again with no home. Understandable but he doesnt realize he is essentially asking me to do what he himself wont do.

But I am interested in hearing the advice given on this so I can make an informed decision.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
In reply to: rollercoaster1
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 10:02am

Hi Laurie,


Understandable but he doesnt realize he is essentially asking me to do what he himself wont do.


I'm glad you see this the same way I do here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
In reply to: rollercoaster1
Sat, 03-20-2010 - 10:39am
Hi and welcome to the board. I have found this board helpful in learning to see other views I had not considered. This has led to better understanding of situations in my own extended family. I was a widow also. When my children were grown I moved and ended up married to my neighbor. Moving out of the home I bought and into his because he was attached was a problem from the start.The place was run down from 10 yrs. of his single life after his 2nd wife died. Time stood still as far as her furniture, household decorating, he still had HER dead husband's motorcycle sitting in his barn. DH children had their own established relationship with him and the house. So after 7 yrs. of doing the renovations ourselves, working through feeling that I was the intruder many times,he then decided that he did not want to be there. I invested a lot of hard work, time, finances thinking it was for the final preparation of our retirement/home. We spent a lot of time and money on that place when we could have started out in a new setting for both of us to begin with . I think much of his problem was fear. Fear of change, fear of losing what was familiar to him if it did not work out.Although we had been widowed the same amount of time ,he had hung on to everything, and I was different. I had changed everything-house,furniture,car. Now we live in a different state,no longer in the country environment but the city, and we are financially getting back on our feet with investing in rental properties. We both enjoy travel and should have been doing more of that instead of spending yrs. on the other house. He had too many bad memories and experiences in the house and there came the time he was ready to let go but I felt hurt because at that point I had invested so much of myself and had come to the point of feeling the place was our home without the ghosts of the past.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2010
In reply to: rollercoaster1
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 9:39am

Hi RC-


I have experienced a lot of "loss" in my life, starting when I was a child. My father died unexpectedly when I was young. He was the parent I was close to. My mother was in shock, needed her own help, and was not there for me. As a child, I could not understand this. I had a long term R with my college sweetheart and we planned the wedding, he bought a ring, we had it reset...he ended up cheating, falling in love w/someone else. I was devastated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
In reply to: rollercoaster1
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 12:37pm

I don't know how I missed this in order to welcome you to the board RC...duh!


Ok, I was sick for a week and then we had spring break for a week, so I guess I just missed it, by missing so much work.


Hugs


Pam

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


loveCLOTMblinkyred.gif picture by sidntabsmom

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.