He's getting married... what does that mean for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
He's getting married... what does that mean for me?
8
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 5:50pm

I am hoping that many of you are married and deal with ex's and children, etc. because I need some advice.

My divorce was 3 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009

Unfortunately, yes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
I think the answer needs to just be NO. Go back to the written agreement, he can visit with the kids in his parents presence or not at all. Believe me, this woman will get pushier and pushier. She will come to believe that it's her way or the highway. She is NOT the parent, he is, and if he wants to delegate all parenting to her while they are being visited by him at his parents, fine. But she is NOT the parent.

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this kind of bs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009

I forgot about the supervised visits part and that communication is run through his parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

NO there is no rule that you have to communicate w/ her--she is not the parent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008

My basic opinion is no you really don't have to go through her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Was the fiance rude to you? I keep thinking to myself, maybe you should try and see if it'll be okay just talking to her. No, she's not the "parent", but if she truly will be the responsible adult, I'd want to talk to her, because obviously your XH isn't going to do it.

However, I'd probably tell her that you're willing to give it a try, but if it gets out of hand (she's trying to take control of everything, doing things you don't agree with, etc), you're going to have to reinstate what the divorce decree states (supervised visits with the in-laws).

I'd also discuss this with the in-laws. Ask them what they think of her, etc. If they truly feel it's best to keep them in the loop, then do it. Since you have a good r'ship with his parents, I'd try to keep that going.

Good luck. Also, if you truly feel like you cant confront her, do it via email, or talk to his parents first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007

I agree with Musiclover on this one, but it works in our case.

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
I meant he should NOT get the kids. Of course that is not reality, so follow the visitation to the letter instead.

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.