His answer for "who he is"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
His answer for "who he is"...
12
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 10:19am

Okay. Here's his take on himself

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 11:09am

Loony,

I remember you and him from Single Mothers board.

I've read your long post on finances. This isn't really even about finances, or spending, or saving money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 11:55am

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 12:07pm
What I hear is self-pity and resentment towards you.
Remember when I said "I can't shake this nagging feeling that he feels like nothing he does is good enough."

Julia is voicing essentially what we have all been concerned with over here on MSMW. No one is saying one of you is right, and one of you is wrong, but like Julia said, you have to decide if you can marry him and accept him, flaws and all.

Everyone is different, so you are right that you either need "a turn around" and accept who he is, or cut your losses and give the ring back.

He needs to accept you for you are, also. It goes both ways. Doesn't mean you won't get annoyed with eachother, but you have to be able to accept it, whether you like or understand the behavior, or not.

(((((hugs)))))) We all just want you to be OK and happy with what ever decision you make. :)
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 12:33pm

I havge to agree with the other ladies replies, he is not going to be the man that you seem to want, and he can;t be made into something else.

Personally, the comment about making sure "your" children have their homeowrk doen irritates the he!! out of me. Yes, they are your children but so what, if he is going to be their stepfather, what does he want, a medal for making sure homeowrk is done?: Its not that difficult of a job to oversee homework, as a matter of fact, I would consider it a bare minimum of a contribution.

Getting off soapbox now, I wish you the best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 12:56pm

thanks to everyone.

I'm playing "bitterness yo-yo" today. I keep trying to give it up but then take it right back (the bitterness, that is). :(

thanks for all the hugs.

Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 1:09pm

Remember when I said "I can't shake this nagging feeling that he feels like nothing he does is good enough."

He and i have talked about this too. I told him it wasn't about "doing and doing and doing". I told him it is about who he is on the inside: His Heart.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 1:48pm

I've explained that when i say "not good enough" I mean not settling for the minimum but going after the maximum. I feel it is an attitude and a mindset.

Now that I understand.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 2:16pm

This sounds a lot like my ex. His whole attitude was "this is who and what I am" there was never any options of making our lives better together. Unfortunately I had married him :(

It just sounds like a vicious cycle to get drawn into. There is nothing wrong with bettering yourself and your life, especially when there are children involved. Whether it, financial, health, education or whatever, we all need to have clear goals in mind, and if there is a SO in the picture, it is so important to at least support each other. Doesn't mean you have to ahve the same goals, for example ny financial goals are vastly different from SO's but we do support each other in acheiving them.

Good luck,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 3:57pm

LB-

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 4:09pm

P.S. Serenity, I'm not Julia, I'm Liz.

Pages