His Ex Refuses to Go for Counseling

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
His Ex Refuses to Go for Counseling
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 4:04pm

I know when I wrote about SS #1

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 4:33pm

It must be difficult to stand by & watch & not be able to do anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 8:42am
I agree with Liz on this, that your DH sould continue therapy on his own, and you too, with a focus on what the two of you can do to relieve the stress on your marriage. My DH's ex also refused to go, for the same reasons, and yes, she did alienate his DD for awhile, until she got older and began to see the whole picture. There is no quick fix, but therapy can help make it a little quicker. If the tools are out there, use them. Pam


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 9:32am

Wow, GE---

(see my other posts)---

I think we live in parallel universes!....well, I'm a few years ahead of you here....LOL....

Ah, yes, the "EOW" visits with SS age about 16 (he's 21 now).....

So, Friday night,...dad picks him up---over 2 hour ride here---entire time in the car, SS is telling dad about all of the things he "needs".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 11:53am

Remember, the only person that can change the dance is you (or well, your DH). Even though his X refuses to go to counseling, he could go himself, to learn more about how to deal with her and his DS. I agree with everyone though, if the DS has learned that all Dad is is a bank, that's the r'ship they'll have. I wrote in another post how my 1xh was like that...and he was in his 30's. He still felt "dad owned him" and he made sure "dad paid". And since his Dad did, and since his Dad never asked nor wanted respect, he never got that from his son.

Maybe it's time to ask DH what kind of r'ship he wants with his son. Right now, it's disrespectful and he's a bank, nothing more. If he wants more, he's going to have to change the dance. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, his son will get angry with him. But a father/son r'ship based on "prostitution" isn't a r'ship. I wrote that word, yes, to shock you. Think about it. He gives his son money and material gifts in exchange for him being there. Not even his love or his companionship, but just for him to be there. All they have is a transaction. He's got to want more. Maybe he should see the T and ask him what he can do to

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 11-18-2010 - 2:13pm

First I want to say that