His kids, my kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
His kids, my kids
36
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 8:03am

I need advice on what others do in regards to "your kids, his kids".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 9:12am

Comparing kids is saying mine are better than yours because...

Treating them equally is a different story. Sounds to me like it makes sense that you have a girl's weekend with your daughters. I know from reading your posts that your SO has a lot of issues about his sons. I don;t envy him with the way they turned out, and I am sure he can;t help but compare his sons to your daughters. But that's just part of life. Would he wish mental illness and addiction on your children just beacuse his suffer from it? He should b happy for you that your choildren are independent and self sufficient.

Enjoy your mall weekend with your daughters! I want to come too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 10:14am

So you're saying that your younger 2 DDs live in the same city as you and yet you don't see them?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 1:05pm

Your DD's are in another state, correct?

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 2:12pm

I think that's my dh's point...that I'm being used.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 2:18pm

Thanks for the input and I know you're right...young people are so self-absorbed in their own lives that they tend to forget they have parents until they need something.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 03-23-2012 - 2:59pm
Oh sweetie, it is not a dumb idea at all.

I forget where you live, but if you are talking airfare for one of the girls, that is probably a bit much. Even if not, if the girls can't afford to contribute anything, you may want to rethink all of you getting together, at least for right now. And under the premise of a "girls weekend" which sort of does infer splurging.

I understand the guilt of the boys getting more attention. Both of my big kids have temporarily lived with my sister, and not me, while in transition from one living arrangement to the next. My SO asked if it was because of him and I had to be honest that "sure, that had something to do wiht it. " Plus SS comes and goes from our house, etc. Plain and simple: it is easier to stay with my sister than me.

So yea, I get that. My DS needed a place and SO's DS was in our third bedroom. It is OK, as DSS is a minor and my DS is 22, but stings a bit as a parent.

You will figure something out. Spending time with all 3 may not be possible right now, but if that is truly your motive, it doesn't have to break the bank.

Lastly, if you really do want to do something for a weekend, start saving for it in a separate account or envelope. Plan ahead a little bit so your girls can start saving, also. They are old enough that I think it is fair.

((((hugs)))))
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sat, 03-24-2012 - 7:43am

Thanks for sharinig about your kids living situation with your sister.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sat, 03-24-2012 - 11:25pm

My opinion doesn't come from being part of a blended family as an adult nor as a child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 03-25-2012 - 8:30pm

I do think part of it is that your DDs really don't know how to be self supporting adults--I'm sure your ex thought he was doing a great job as a dad at giving them everything that they needed & more, but it doesn't really help them now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 7:55am

I've suggested separate checking accounts to dh before to

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