His money, my money, our money?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
His money, my money, our money?
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 10:40am
We are not married, yet... but our relationship is moving in that direction. We both have been married once before and both have children from those marriages. He is wealthy and I am not. He pays a large amount of child support for his children and I recieve child support for mine. I'm just wondering how the whole money thing is supposed to work. I can't live in his world (socially) with the money I make. I don't know what I"m supposed to do. Do the bills which I would pay for my children come solely from child support from my ex? When we are married, there will be gifts to buy and increased grocery bills which I will never be able to afford on my salary alone but I still feel that stigma of middle-class girl marrying rich man. Any advice on how this is supposed to work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 04-11-2003 - 12:41pm
It's a good thing you are thinking about this now. Many people go into a marriage blindly about money, and stumble through the ups and downs, and often fight about it. (I"ve read numberous times the #1 thing husbands and wives argue about is $$)

In any event, you need to sit down with him and discuss this, once you have "a ring and a date". Of course you could sooner, but I'd wait will I was engaged. It's something that I think MUST be discussed before you make the big move!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 11:24am
I think however the two of you are comfortable with working out the finances is the way it should be handled.

My DH and I have separate accounts and credit cards. We have ONE joint checking account. That's it. We share grocery expenses and we usually split the bill in the grocery store.

I am the one who wanted separate $$$ because I am afraid he would use MY $$$ for his kids. That is something I don't want. I have no kids of my own and we don't have any together, so it's not like "I help your kids, you help my kids" situation. I feel that if I want my $$$ to go to his kids, I will give it to them.

Also, my DH pays for the mortgage because he makes more than me. I pay for the other bills in the house.

I think the two of you need to sit down and discuss these issues. Maybe he won't mind paying for groceries etc.

Also, you say that you don't have the $$$ socially to keep up with his circle of friends. Well, if there are dinners, etc. to go to, I would hope he would buy you what you need to wear to the dinners or other functions. Again, all of this needs to be discussed AHEAD of time.

My DH and I still fight over $$$ even though we discussed it ahead of time, but I think there are a lot less fights for us because we keep most of it separate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 05-11-2003 - 10:36pm
My ex-husband made SSI and I was his payee for quite awhile...that is where I cash his check and I give him the money he needs. Well, I would give him the whole check anyways and he was greedy with it. I couldn't barely get anything because of the fact he was greedy.

My fiance gets SSI, and I get a little bit of babysitting pay. Robert is not that greedy with his money and I am not either. When he gets paid, he buys my needs, and when I get paid, I buy his....I quit my smoking, but I still buy him some cigarettes if he needs them...he is trying to quit too..but we always pay our bills first.