Holiday Gift Quandry...Please Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Holiday Gift Quandry...Please Help
11
Wed, 12-07-2011 - 7:54am

My man's best friend who has in essence become OUR best friend...in fact along with my bestie he was the best man at our marriage...is currently divorced...and living in a basement apartment.

For Christmas he has NOT asked for anything but we know he needs a new laptop (too expensive), a new car (wayyyyy too expensive) and some other household items. We always get him the standard sweater or something but he is sooo helpful to us...helping us keep an eye on my aging in-laws as we live far away and he is local...so we want to do something more special.

Anyway, as I stated, he pretty much took nothing with him after his divorce...left it all to her and the boy. I cam across a GREAT deal on a bed...frame and all for under $100 and since he's sleeping on a matress on the ground...though this would be a great gift from his best friend (my hubby...who he has known for over 20 years) and me. The concern is that some feel this gift may be a bit too personal. I'm not sure I disagree but I'm not sure I agree. Last year we got him sheets and a comforter...so the bed doesn't seem like that much of a stretch...can you ladies let me know if you think this is too personal of a present. I do not want to offend my man, him, or any potential lady of interest...jus trying to help out a friend who is always helping us out.

Thanks in advance.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Wed, 12-07-2011 - 8:17am
Well......not sure about the "too personal" or not from an ettiquette view-----but from a PRACTICALITY view:

1. I like to try out a mattress/bed before purchasing---every one has different tastes/etc. Also, not sure what quality of a bed you can get for $100? Unless you're talking only frame and box spring MAYBE?

2. Since it's a huge thing, and he'd have to be home when delivery took place anyhow,......I think you're going to have to "tell" him about it anyhow.......I guess run it by him first before committing to purchasing it?

Others will probably have better advice for you :)

(also----kitchen things or table/chair etc might be useful as well, and since he "does" have a bed , it might actually be "more" useful ......there was a time when I slept on mattress on floor, and I really liked it, as I like a firm bed..........)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 12-07-2011 - 9:33am

I would say the bed is too cumbersome as well, maybe a $100 gift card? Like an Amex one he can use anywhere

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
Wed, 12-07-2011 - 9:44am

Thank you...the bed is a solid oak classic...a friend is selling and so I'm getting a very good deal. It's basically the head borad, foot board, sides.

We visit this friend annually for the holidays so we can deliver it...I'm more concerned about it being too personal than anything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 12-07-2011 - 11:24am

I would feel strange about someone giving me a bed as a gift. Can you ask him if he wants to buy it on his own?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Wed, 12-07-2011 - 5:30pm
Oh, so it's not the mattress/box springs---it's the oak frame itself?

I guess a big factor is does he HATE being on the floor like that? If not, he might prefer to wait until he can shop for something he and/or SO really want. Does he have any type of SO now? I think you said he was just recently divorced, so I'll assume not.

Unless he really discussed the "issue" of *having* to be on the floor---you MIGHT do better with something else. He might have no concerns at all re: being without headboard, ..and then marry someone who cares alot about it, and out it will go.

I guess if he's such a good friend of your/husband's....you guys should just tell him the situation and see what he says.....?
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 2:15pm

Hi Citrisgal!

First, I do think a headboard, etc., as a bit personal.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 8:15am

I think going OT just makes things more interesting!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 8:18am
Hi Serenity/Citrus---

re:


And as much as I hate to be a Debbie Downer, remember this is Making a Second Marriage Work, and also a place to discuss step-kids, xH's and xW's, etc.

Your first post was totally fine, but we are getting a little too far off topic on this one.

----I can get this back "on topic" by adding a personal ancedote---


My exH stayed living in our marital home. He dated maybe 5 years (different women, some semi serious), then married. I know many women have trouble moving into a previous wife's "home", and need to throw out EVERYTHING, etc---so I asked him (just curious!) how much they were going to be re-doing in his (my previous) home? (I figured she'd have him ripping out EVERYTHING)----but he told me she told him the only thing she cared about was getting a new bed. (!!)


Anyhow, if he's really that close of a friend, I think you could just be upfront and say, "we came across this great oak bed set....blah blah.....we'd love to get that for you for xmas...." and see what he says.

Or else just find another gift, and avoid the quandry....


BEST WISHES!

(let us know what you decided, anyhow ;-) !!)

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 1:44pm

Yea, one of the first things we did also was get a new bed.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 2:35pm
Hi C,

It is nice of you all to want to help your friend :) I might tell him about the great mattress deal, as I agree..he may be fine sleeping on the one on the floor, and being a man, it "works", so he doesn't thinkof upgrading that, just moves on to solve other needs. (men are simple; we women always need a comforter, shams, tons of pillows :)
Also agree on the AmEx type gift card. When you buy it, make sure it is Not one that decreases in value each month it is not used. Ugh! Then, he can buy what is most important for him to replace.
happy holidays!,
Pepper

Pepperjack7

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