Holidays seem to bring out alot of issues and conflict.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Holidays seem to bring out alot of issues and conflict.
14
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 8:12am

We're newly married.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2011

I used to have a friend in the same situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Hi Isysmoon--

Do you live near this family?

I would suggest you invite THEM to come to YOUR place for "dessert" in the evening of Xmas day (assuming you are staying home with your kids/DH/family all day) .

How old is the child? Again, if you live nearby, perhaps the "tradition" could evolve to that child going to grandparents (alone) in evening of xmas also, IF THAT WORKS FOR YOU.

NO WAY do I think you need to go TO THOSE ex-InLaw's on xmas day----I'm guessing they invited ALL of you just to be nice, which is admirable of them, but really, they just want to see grandchild...AND, yes, you want new BLENDED FAMILY traditlions---NOTHING WRONG re: saying "no" to their invite!! !! ! (if the exW was still alive, the child would be with one OR the other parent on xmas day--the grandparents would NOT have grandchild at their place EVERY xmas).

I think YOU inviting the grandparents to YOUR place for short period of time would be a nice "compromise"...........so, say "NO, you have your own family plans that child is included in, but, you realize they's like to see child on Xmas day, so THEY are welcome to come to YOUR place at (non-meal time), or else child can visit (day after, or whenever is convenient for you).

BEST WISHES! , that's my 2 cents, anyhow :)

Let us know what happens!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
PS:

I like Chia's suggestion also :)

(esp the part re: inviting them to xmas eve service to effectively get them leaving in good time ;-) !!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004

Thanks for the suggestions!!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Yea, it is sweet that they invited you all, but eh......no, thank you.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
So does he actually want to go, or he feels guilty that they won't see their granddaughter?

My neighbors had this situation. The husband died (no divorce though), she remarried had 4 more kids. She would just bring the son to the husband's family's events - but not stay herself.

I'd drop off daughter at gramma's for the Christmas eve (if she's old enough to do it by herself, if not just he can go), then be very positive and happy about starting your own traditions together as a family for Christmas day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004

I think that he was thinking it would just be easier if we went.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004

That's what they are going to have to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011

That sounds like a great compromise. I don;t know why people have to make the holidays so complicated. Let people just do what they want, and not make everyone miserable. My kids are with ex this year for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, SO does not want to drive up here (a topic for a different thread for sure!) and I am just going to do whatever I want until I hve the kids back.

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