How do I get over those few things that are killing me and my marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2009
How do I get over those few things that are killing me and my marriage?
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 11:02am

I have been married for a year and half to a wonderful man and I have a 15 yr old and he has a 6 yr old daughter. His daughter is raised like nothing I have ever seen-no discipline, given everything at every whim and when she is with us cannot be more than an inch away from her father. His ex wife has never moved on after 5 years of them being divorced so this kid is the center of her world 24/7. I dont beleive in spoling kids rotten and I cannot get over the way she acts when with us. I thought as she got older it would get better.

The second issue is his mother, she has been single for over 30 years and is completely and 100% dependent on her kids, she gets angry if we dont invite her all the time for dinner and vacations! She is a very unhappy miserable woman and my husband says well she is like that to everyone so suck it up. She puts her kids against each other and only cares about herself and her needs and NO ONE elses. I am a good wife to him and she hates that he is happy and is extremely jealous.

I am having a really hard time and use to be the happiest most positive girl in the world and now I feel defeated and my husband and I have bene fighting for months and he says our problems are my fault because I let all of this bother me. PLEASE if anyone can offer me advise I would appreciate it. I know there were red flags before we were married but I honestly thought I could handle them and now its absolutely killing me. Whenever I talk to my husband about this he flips out and I end up crying my eyes out. I dont want my marriage to end and love him but how do I ignore the other huge things? Especially when he says its my fault for letting it bother me.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Welcome Jaimie!

As far as the MIL issues,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I have a big problem w/ your DH's response to these issues as being "It's all your problem so you should just get over it."

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009

I would have perspective for the 6 year old girl.She is still a baby.Dont compare her with a 15 year old. She is going to clingy for many years to come . Its not just her.Most 6 year olds are like this .Again, dont compare her with how your child was when he/she was 6. Thats very unfair.

Your H is probably giving her the attention which she rightly deserves and needs.He is not wrong either. You may not like it , but IMO, you are over-reacting in respect to the little girl. She may remain daddy's girl forever, who knows. If you try to compete with her, you will lose.So dont do that.

As for MIL, your H has to make boundaries and probably hint him on sharing responsibility with his other siblings .