How do you deal with "his friends"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
How do you deal with "his friends"?
9
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 8:29pm

Opinions please: I feel like he doesn't have any respectable friends. They all seem shady to me. One of them keeps bouncing around from house to house, borrowed money from him and took forever to pay it back. In my opinion, he shouldn't be friends with that person anymore.

And this i find particularly annoying: sometimes when we're out, he runs into old friends. They chat about old shady times (i'd rather not get into too much detail here) but ya know, stuff from his youth. Then exchange numbers etc. In my opinion, if these are characters from his past that he wants left in the past..... why does he say "let's keep in touch man" or why does he exchange numbers. Or why say "hey, man, if there's anything you need, call me." I'm perplexed and frankly, i'm annoyed.

In truth, he does not stay in touch. He does not go out with these guys. But i've told DF, find decent friends. Acquaint yourself with respectable individual. ... ya know, the types you can put on your resume for a reference. or people you can call when you need help moving... etc. Not friends from a darker time in your life... IMHO, i dont' care if you all have changed or what not. Just move on!!!

So, am I way off? To some degree i probably am. And maybe these encounters are harmless and i'm being paranoid. But i just feel like, why even call question to yourself. Make better friends. How hard is that?

Opinions? Can anyone relate? And how did you deal?

Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 9:58pm

Maybe your BF is the type who wants to seem friendly in public so that's why he'll exchange numbers & say these things when he really has no intention of keeping in touch--like those guys who tell a girl he will call & has no intention of doing it, but he doesn't want to come out & say "you're not my type."

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 9:15am

I can't exactly relate to the shady type friends situation, but I know my SO has limited friends as well...I honestly think in many ways it's just how men are...His friends are limited to a few guys from college and a few from the neighborhood of where he used to live when he was married (that is about 2 hours away), so he rarely sees these guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 11:18am

Yes, to answer your question, I think you are out of line.

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 8:51pm

I think a lot of guys really don't know how to have friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 9:29pm
Good points. I'll try to back off of this subject with him. Most of my feelings stem from my own personal fears. I'll admit that. I don't know who they are and all i hear is the two of them talking about "stuff" they used to do. I fill in the blanks with what my ex was like, etc. I worry if one of them will tempt him back into the old ways or something.

I'd like to see him have good friends. The kind that encourage him or give him good advice. But i guess that is more of the female friendship dynamic and not the male. I don't know.

What would be really nice, is finding a few couples for friends. So we can do group events and take the kids. Guess, i should add that to my goals for next year.

Thanks,
Loonybunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 9:17am

I'd like to see him have good friends. The kind that encourage him or give him good advice. But i guess that is more of the female friendship dynamic and not the male. I don't know.

I guess I feel like I am that friend to DH.

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 12-30-2010 - 2:10pm

It just sounds like he is being polite when he runs into these old friends.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Fri, 12-31-2010 - 9:20am

Serenity - Good reply.

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 9:23pm
---What would be really nice, is finding a few couples for friends. So we can do group events and take the kids. Guess, i should add that to my goals for next year.----

Ann Landers, or one of those had a letter re: similar situation as yours today or yesterday or something---and that is what "advice" was--> e.g., quit telling him who not to hang out with, but , instead find some couples that have qualities/values you enjoy, and spend time with them.

I agree also---I think he's just trying to be "friendly"---also, probably not wanting to act "snobby" --like now he's respectiable and too good for them or something.....