How do you make the Money Issue Work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
How do you make the Money Issue Work?
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:25am

Money is often a big issue in many marriages. We are not even married yet but are already having issues. We both like to help out. I dont want to be the girlfriend who makes him go broke. So I help out as often as possible. He is used to being the one who earns more so he likes to help out and isnt accustomed to taking help. Problem is I am the one who earns more and wants to help out.

So practical ideas please on how to make the money issue work. Such as who pays for nights out. Who pays for what bills. What is spent on gifts. I dont like receiving gifts so usually I ask for just time with him on holidays. How can I pay my way without making him feel less of a man. Things like that.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Mon, 03-08-2010 - 11:03am

My DH and I have always kept everything seperate for a number of reasons.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 5:20pm

Yep, it is the question of the day on this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 11:46am

I think you will find this is a frequent topic on this board. Maybe you can look up some old messages. I also think that it's less of an issue when you are living together or married since you are past that "dating" stage when the man feels that he has to pay.

When I got married the 2nd time, I just combined all my money w/ my 2nd DH into one joint account. I figured that's what you do when you get married. My 1st DH & I had done it and it worked out fine. It turned out not to be so great, mostly because we both had kids from the 1st marriage--I got c.s. and he got Social Security since his 1st DW had died. There were more issues about how much money we would spend on our kids, etc. Not so much about paying for household bills.

My personal preference (and I do believe that a lot of people on here do this) is maybe to have one joint account to pay for household bills--I think if people make similar amounts of money, they would put a similar amount of money into that account, but if there's a big diff. in earnings, then the person who earns more should put more money into this account. Then the rest of the money you & he could cover your own personal expenses (clothes, things for your kids, gifts) and not worry that much about how the other person is spending their money. I think it solves a lot of conflicts. You could also use the joint acct. for things like entertainment & trips and this way you wouldn't have an issue of who is taking the other person out to dinner.

I don't know if this will help in your current situation. I do think that some men do have an issue in being w/ a woman who makes more money (esp. if it's significantly more) and that's really his issue. I think it's the 21st century here and we should be kind of past those stereotypical roles of who is paying for what, etc. but not all people feel comfortable that way.