Husband in debt and blows money on beer

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2002
Husband in debt and blows money on beer
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 11:56pm

Hello!

You guys are great. I posted in October and got very uplifting and helpful replies.

I am frustrated that my dh is drinking again on a regular basis. In my opinion he is an alcoholic. He says he is not - he says that he simply "Likes Beer" and lately he'll say "I feel a kidney stone coming on, and beer helps (urination)" (He does have a history of kidney stones, but kill your liver to fight off a kidney stone?)

He is not mean when he drinks, he just watches TV and then goes to bed. I know drinking too much is BAD, but I admit I got used to him drinking 4 to 5 beers per night the first several years of our marriage.  He has all these great reasons why 4-5 beers is no big deal, helps him relax, so I don't force the issue anymore, especially since it simply makes him sleepy and not mean/moody.

Problem:                We just had a financial crisis and he promised he would **NOT** buy beer (as it's an "extra") until he got a bit caught up financially.....meaning, he owes his ex wife $900 in back child support, she is furious  exc.   And, I paid 90% of our bills for nearly 3 months while he was only able to find a 16 hour a week job.  I'm not trying to sound mean....it's just that there's a history in our marriage of DH running out of money, leaving me to pay the rent, groceries, utilities.  (We both pay in to our bills since we both have kids from previous marriages)   There have been money tensions (ex. he'll ask me or his brother for money before he'll simply work overtime hours, exc - once he asked my mom for money) 

So this is not the time to spend money on extras -- with him owing his Ex $900 for child suppport, and with him slowly paying me back for months where I paid most bills.

The only bill in Dh's name is cable tv, and he will not give up his $140/month cable. I am angry because (a) he promised me he would not spend money on beer until he pays me back for some of our old bills    Now he says his new job is stressful, and on his way home tonight he said "I had a bad day at work and I'm going to comatose myself with beer" He bought and drank 7 beers. I said something and he said he doesn't want a lecture. Then I said "how can you spend money on beer when you owe me and (his ex) over $1,000?" He said "right now I don't give a f__ about anything, my job sucks"

He is starting to spend probably $40+ per week on beer....yet he refuses to cancel cable tv......and has gone back on his word to not spend $$ on beer until he's paid me back the hundreds he owes me.   It would be different if he'd been unemployed due to no fault of his own - he was unemploiyed because he only would job hunt a little at a time.

Imagine if you were his ex wife -- he owes her $900 in child support, and he has fancy cable tv and buys beer 5 nights per week, while paying her about $80 per week to slowly get caught up on child support. I am so grateful he found a full time job.  I am just disgusted with feeling that I support him as if he were my teenager and not my husband.    He promised he would not spend money on major extras while he owed me and his ex $$

If I were DH I would be embarressed to owe me hundreds of dollars for the 4th, 5th time in our marriage...and I would want to pay back the other person quickly. If I say "please don't spend $$ on beer until you pay me back for shared bills" he'll say "I feel like I'm getting a kidney stone, and my doc said beer increases urination"

If I push the issue, he's going to say "my new job is stressful and beer helps me relax".  He refuses to go to counseling for possible depression.  Sometimes I don't feel like being around him.   He's usually in a bad mood that his job "doesn't pay enough" (but I feel lucky he landed a job!) and he's in bad moods that he's "tired of being poor" and "has a black cloud hanging over his head"  Question: If you were owed $900, $1,000 and the person kept buying pricey cable and shelling out $$ for beer/extras, what would you do?  (thank you so much!)