husband talks to exgirlfriends

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2012
husband talks to exgirlfriends
7
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 11:32am

My husband and I are in our mid 50's. This is our second marriage.  He stays in contact and talks to his exgirlfriends.  It bothers me.  What do you think?

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 1:49pm

~hugs~

I would admit that it would bother me to...:(...

Nightangel
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 2:42pm

  Many people talk to their old GF/BF.  That is nothing new.  It is to be expected.  Possibly finding out why it bothers you would be important.  But to expect him to give up friendships is not viable.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 3:17pm

  It would bother me, too.  I'm 52 and my dh is 50 and I don't speak to my ex (and I was married to HIM for 25 years!) and dh doesn't speak to his ex-girlfriend of 8 years.  We feel the same...the past is the past...best to leave it there.  :)  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 8:25pm
It would bother me, too---and for 2 reasons: 1. That he felt (perhaps?) more comfortable sharing things with exGF than with me? ---and why is that? (however if it was you two as a couple seeing his exGF in passing/social setting, less of an issue). 2. He knows it bothers you-----but continues doing it. On the "help you to feel better" side---- he's MARRIED to you, and these were only GF's.............. Obviously you are more important to him for that to have occurred----wondering why he would want to continue if it's distressing to you, y'know? (is it some "ego" thing of his?-----because, why would he want to do something to lessen his (good) relationship with you?
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 1:26pm
I think it depends exactly what you mean by "stays in contact." If you mean that your DH and past GF's still call each other and shoot the breeze, then yea, not so sure about that. If they talk and share things that should be shared with their current SO, then really not okay. Now, if you mean they occasionally run into each each other and visit for a bit, then that is something totally different. I am always a bit skeptical of male/female relationships that push the boundaries of appropriateness and claim to be platonic and claim the the spouses are okay with it. Eehhh, I just don't know. I know that for myself, that when I had a friendship with a male from my past (not even and xBF mind you) that when my then DH became uncomfortable, I stopped the casual conversations. Sure, if I had not talked to him in years and he called I would answer the phone, but no more "shooting breeze." When uncomfortable stuff comes up with my SO like this, I try not to point fingers and instead say things like "could you help me understand" or "this is my perception" or "this isn't about right or wrong, I just simply think it is inappropriate" Stuff like that. Even if we don't agree, we seem to have a better understanding of how the other feels. Usually the other does eventually start to "see the light" and make some changes. Good luck and keep us posted!!!
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 01-04-2013 - 10:55am

xxxs wrote:
<p>  Many people talk to their old GF/BF.... But to expect him to give up friendships is not viable.</p>

There are different schools of thought on this as you could see here. Occasional contact wouldn't bother me. I think it is normal to be curious about what happens to people who have been in your life. I know I am curious about what becomes of ex-girlfriends. So, if once every six months or a year, your SO exchanges emails or has a phone call with an ex, I don't see it as a big deal. However, communicating with an ex every day would concern me. That would be indicative that they want to get back together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Sun, 01-06-2013 - 11:42am

I have no desire to contact or call my exes.  In my mind that part of my life is over an done and I have moved on. What would be the purpose of me calling them?

My husband has children with his exw so he does have contact with her and that does not bother me--his contact is about the children and grand children.  IMHO if your H's contact with his exes bothers you, tell him.  You should be the priority in his life now. If you aren't then that is a problem.

Best to you,

Ollie