It's been awhile-update

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
It's been awhile-update
19
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:09pm

Hi Everyone,


It's been awhile since I've posted here. DH has been working PT and mostly taking care of the baby. I'm working hideous hours to make up for it :( It sucks. Our marriage is doing well. We had some rocky points as I recovered from PPD. I think that that's over now! Yeah!


Both of us are up for CS reviews, so as you can imagine, things are quite tense with the X's.


XH made the announcement to me a few weeks ago that he is getting married! To the OW in our marriage! Quite a surprise.


One beautiful thing that has happened, bc DSD's mom has been rather evil lately is that DH has decided to-wait for it-wait for it-FOLLOW HIS COURT ORDER! YEAH!!!!


All in all things are going well. :)

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 8:12pm

Laurena,


Thanks for jumping in...It's always good to hear about those who may have made the same mistakes and how they may have resolved them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 8:18am

Bella,


I just hope that your SO can get everything worked out.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 12:50pm

Keep in mind that even if CS is modified one way or the other.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 7:47pm

Pam,

I know you are 100 percent correct in your statement about this building patience in our relationship. Unfortunately, due to my having to work through trust issues left by the fall out of my divorce, there still is that little voice that wonders just wonders whether I'm doing the right thing or is this just another situation where I'll be taken advantage of...

The therapist that I'm seeing has been very helpful in dealing with those issues. In fact she had told me that she truly believes we are good together and she told me of another client she is seeing that she has told that person she refuses to see her again until she gets rid of her boyfriend...
I think she really does "get me" and the situation, so I do trust what she thinks. And I guess truth be told after almost five years with my SO, I'm kind of making my own statement about the strength of our relationship.

I think I just wonder from time to time when is it really "our" time? Or am I just kidding myself that (that will ever truly be possible)? KWIM?

Bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 8:01pm

"My suggestion to you would be to stay in today. Stay in the moment. All of this worry about the future is keeping you from enjoying what you do have. Does a decision about selling a house have to happen today? I mean, does it really? Does a decision about M have to happen today? Really, truly think about that. Does it have to happen today?
Is there any reason you two can't continue they way you are until things are clear? A decision that is forced generally does not pan out very well. If it is clear, then it really isn't even a decision. KWIM???
We have all got to be OK with or without a romantic R. Like I have said a thousand times; is your life good because your SO is in it? or is your life good just the way it is, and you are glad your SO is in it? See the difference? Our R with our SO or DH need to run parallel with being OK, not the reason we are OK. Hope that makes sense."

Serenity, when I was reading through your answer in the other post, I felt that these words are ones I really need to keep at the forefront of my mind. I've spent so many times in my life living way beyond the moment and I think that is definitely what is going on now. I'm living for the moment of Sept 2011 because the alimony and oldest CS will be gone, instead of focusing on the here and now. I think I need some more practice on how to do that, KWIM?
One of my biggest fears is being taken advantage of again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 6:01pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 8:45pm

I know you're right, but when and how do appropriate lines get drawn?

Wow, ain't that that truth about Dad being an ATM, is there hope that it can ever change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 9:20pm

I know you're right, but when and how do appropriate lines get drawn?


sigh.....


ideally.....after divorce, and BEFORE serious relationship with someone like you and me!


What's lousy is when that DOESNT happen.....but then they get involved in new serious relationship....there are clashes, because "both" situations cant be "first" priority, and ....from my experience....IF the ex is bitter/vengeful, etc......they start framing it all to the kids that these changes are negative AND that the REASON the changes are happening because dad is now with YOU.....


In my case, my SO hadnt set boundaries, and his ex called him 24/7 wanting him to solve all of her problems,/pay all her bills/ MEANWHILE raging what a @#$%$# he was........??! !!


What helps ALOT I think, re: the financial stuff with kids:


1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 5:14pm

L,


No we're not married, but have been together for almost 5 years.

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