...just something deep down inside that is telling me to get out of this marriage now before my health gets to a point where I can't turn it around.
Yes, we have kept everything seperate from day one.
HIM:He tried to say "I guess we're just different and I have to learn to be more selfish like you.
IMHO, if you're able, can you take a week long vacation w/o your hubby? Preferbly without kids too. I know my Aunt would break out in hives and have asthma attacks...when she'd even THINK about having to see her mom. Many years later and therapy, she was able to see her w/o hives and asthma attacks, so yes, I do think your body can "breakout" during times of high stress.
What are your options? Medication, maybe even meditation, personal therapy and maybe even divorce. That's the reason I suggested a break. Then you can tell if you're body is reaction to him, the marriage, or something else.
Hugs. Wish I had more advice for you.
That's really a frustrating situation to be in--that's the whole point of having separate accts. so you don't have to bail him out. Would he allow you to sit down & go over his income vs. expenses to see whether he actually has enough money to pay his expenses & how he could cut down?
I definitely believe that our bodies tell us when something is wrong. I didn't get hives but I used to get a lot of stomach aches when I was stressed w/ 2nd DH--I was in therapy & my T told me to listen to my body. It's unfortunate that we got divorced, but I now have no stress, no physical problems & no trouble sleeping. And I also have plenty of money. Not that my ex was terrible about managing it--some of this was because right before we got married, he got hurt and was out on worker's comp for a long time and that really affected us financially because, stupid me, we did not keep our accts. separate.
Wish I had something more to offer you.
Yes, I have tried to go through his expenses with him but the problem is he spends more than he brings in.
I, all of a sudden in 1999, developed idiopathic anaphylaxis.
Basically full blown anaphylatic allergy attacks - for no reason. My throat did not swell, thank goodness, but I had everything out including passing out.
I had these every 3 weeks roughly for about 2 years. Boy did I rack up the medical bills. I had to carry an EpiPen.
I also had horrible heartburn and IBS issues.
I am not sure I can relate this to stress, since my last episode was in 2001 and I divorced him in 2008. But the IBS issues were for sure from him. He'd pull in the driveway late at night after work and instant stomach ache.
So if there were some sort of compromise - let's say he's always bad with money but stops asking you or making his problems your problems - would that be fine with you? You said he's a good guy.
I do notice some contradictions in your post, when you say he is a 'good father'.
The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.
Well I thought when I bailed him out the first time he would learn to be more financially responsible (he had a clean slate.)