Major disagreement

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Major disagreement
19
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 11:15am

DH and I had a very rocky first couple of years but have since found our grove.

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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 12:36pm

My thoughts are that regardless of the details, I would agree that normally you would start with a few playdates before allowing a sleepover.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 1:45pm

Hi.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 1:58pm

Hi Mame,



I'm in agreement with Serenity.....regardless of the dad's status, etc....it's just normal to have shorter 'play dates" before a whole weekend/overnight/whatever.



I missed how old your son is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 2:21pm

Thanks everyone for your replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 2:44pm

If he's only seven, and esp since he hasnt been to other sleep overs, I think you're fine to just say he's too young.



Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:00pm

Really, I dont think I EVER allowed my kids sleep overs at someones house unless I've had a few conversations with the parents and got the "gut feeling everything's OK" .



I agree, Laurena.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 3:16pm

I don't have kids, but I was kinda thinking about this a bit....

First, I'd agree that playdates should come first. Second, I'd also want to spend more time with the kid's Dad's. Just to get to know them better (regardless if they're gay or not).

Secondly, I'd ask your DH if it was 2 Mom's instead of 2 Dad's, would he be as against it as he is now. If he says no, then you know his issues stem from 2 things. 1. thinking they're going to "convert" his son to being gay or 2. that they're going to molest him (which in truth, happens from straight men/women more so than gay men/women). I'd want to get to the bottom of DH's fear first and discuss that with him.

I hate to say it, but most men think you "turn gay". Which isn't true. You are, or you're not. You don't turn one way or the other. He could keep his son away from all gay people in the world, only to end up having a gay son. The point is.......is he afraid they'd try to change your son? Or molest him? What is his fear? And once you learn his fear, you have to ask him if he can overcome it. If not, then the choice becomes that much harder. If he's more open to things, then maybe you can have playdates WITH parents around, etc, so he can get to know the Dad's better.

Good luck either way.

 





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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: mamebl
Mon, 09-13-2010 - 7:03pm

Since your DH isn't against your DS visiting his friend in the house of gay dads, he can't totally be against gays. I'm thinking that he's against sleepovers either because he thinks they are pedophiles (which is more unlikely since if he really thought that he wouldn't want your DS over there at all) or maybe he is just uncomfortable w/ the idea of 2 guys sharing a bedroom & your DS seeing that & maybe questioning it. If your DS is over there during the day those issues don't come up. I do think talking about that would be good. I have a SIL (well my 2nd exH's sister) who is a lesbian and my late brother was gay so I have no problem w/ that; however, I admit that I still might feel uncomfortable seeing kissing or anything like that.

I have to say that it's nice that your Catholic school is accepting. We had an issue w/ the Catholic school in the next town now allowing a boy w/ 2 moms to go to school there because their relationship was against Catholic teaching.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
In reply to: mamebl
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 8:11am

Well, we talked about it more last night and apparently I married a bigot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
In reply to: mamebl
Tue, 09-14-2010 - 8:44am

and a good step-dad



I always find this a bit confusing to me.

The choices we make in thought, word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


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