Marrying a man with teenage daughter(s)
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|Mon, 05-17-2004 - 4:19pm|
I get along fine with the youngest boy, who is very sweet and is still a bit of a child. The oldest boy is in college and is almost out on his own. But I sense a potential problem with the daughter, who looks and acts like a college girl. Since I have no kids, it's particulary hard for me to "tell" when she is being manipulative. So far, my focus has been on my relationship with Tom. I've spent some time around his children (at dinners, etc.) but not a lot of time. I'm starting to notice that now and then, the daughter annoys me, and I am reacting to subtle things she does.
For example, there are times when she demands Tom's attention, in effect, "pulling him away from me". And not for anything that's all that important, it seems to me. This doesn't happen often, but I'm noticing it more and more and I'm wondering how "intentional" it is. I am NOT going to get involved in a power struggle with this girl, but I wonder if that's what she's trying to do.
Tom and I have talked about getting married and the understanding is we will within a year or two. I expect he will probably propose by the end of the year. He has told me that he'd like us to marry next year, if we marry. I'd like that, too, but am wondering if we should wait until the daughter is in college. That's over two years from now, which seems a long time for Tom, as well as for me. On the other hand, I don't want to walk into a minefield if it can be avoided. Plus, frankly, I'm also not too keen on sharing my home with another woman, which is what it would be like for me with this daughter.
Any insights about what I should do? What experiences have those of you in my position ever had? Should I just wait until she's in college before marrying this man? Would appreciate all advice from women with teenage daughters, especially women who marry men with teenage daughters who don't have daughters of their own. Thanks.