More Financial Discussion

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
More Financial Discussion
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 1:38pm


forgive me for starting a new discussion on finances... My discussion is about my fiance and his money management. I found the other thread helpful too and it makes a LOT of sense to keep bank accounts seperate.

Fiance and I are only beginning to discuss how we each spend our money. And i'm discouraged about the way he spends his and how he never has any money... not to mention he has fallen behind on his child support and only makes excuses about not paying it. I'm not surprised that his ex is frustrated to the point of taking him to court and threatening jail time.

I read an interesting artical recently that said the simple truth about saving money (or getting rich) is to spend LESS than you make.... The article said even if you save $10 every pay check that it will keep adding up. Makes super sense to me. The artical also said it is the nickles and dimes that add up and usualy cause the financial stress. Or just simply the reason why you can't save money... fast food here... vending machine there. etc.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 2:22pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 3:21pm

You are definitely on the right track - and him not paying child support would scare the daylights out of me. I have a friend whose 2nd husband pulled that to the point of being taken back to court, its not a good situation.

My situation is opposite, I am NOT good with money and if I am not careful, I could easily be very irresponsible. SO on the other hand, is very tight with money and saves for things before hand (a new concept for me!). We maintain seperate households because of distance for now, but when we eventually do get married, we will have seperate accounts, but the same goals (at least that's the plan).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 3:48pm

Have you asked him to make a list of his expenses and compare it to his income?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 11-15-2011 - 4:44pm

I think i'll be able to learn from all the posts on your thread, as well as mine.

And how amazing... I came into work today frustrated and feeling like i needed solid answers and then i see "finances" are being discussed here. AWESOME!!

Yep, i see this as one of those things that needs to be worked out BEFORE getting married. And i don't plan on giving in.... my thoughts are that if he cannot manage his money now, what makes me think he'll manage it when we're married. NO! It is more likely that he will screw mine up like he's screwing up his. (a lesson i learned from my last marriage).

I'm taking this engagement slowly. At first, i admit, i wanted the party and wedding... but now that my excitement has settled. I'm getting my wits back and realizing i need to feel like we get the best start possible. And he and I have to create it together.

I'm not sure if he see it the same way, but i hope so....

thanks all,


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 7:15am


Your post is one of the reasons why I have yet to accept SOs proposal (there are other reasons), but it is definitely something that I have in the back of my mind...although, what you are dealing with, I haven't even been close to dealing with...SO and got together when he had just gotten a job that relied heavily upon commission...For a family of 4 (plus an ex who wasn't working at the time), he knew it really wasn't going to be the job he would have long-term...However, since he had been laid off from his long-time six figure a year paying job and was going to be going through the divorce, plus paying alimony and CS, he knew that it was a temporary "fix"....He also had large amounts of debt (CC, doctor bills, car payments he couldn't afford, etc.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 12:33pm

Super Post BellaB!!!

I see the similarities. I know we talk about "expectations" as a bad thing here... but i think having the "expectation" that DF gets his finances in order is a valid one. Yes?

I cant see waiting FIVE years for DF to "straighten" out his debt and financial obligations. I think it's great that your SO steadily worked his way to better and better work opportunities until he landed the great job. That's awesome. I'm so hoping my DF will have a similar experience. He's always said he's a hard worker, fast learner, and given the right opportunity he rises quickly to the top. HOWEVER, have I seen that in the last two years? Can't say that i have. From my point of view, (and I'm venting here) I've seen him get small opportunities and take them for granted. I've heard him whine and act like a victim of circumstance. I feel like i've preached to him (repeatedly) about being faithful/grateful for the little and then he will be rewarded with more... I've preached about " you reap what you sow" etc. Maybe I've been too preachy but i'm getting frustrated. I feel like

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 12:48pm
I only have a second, but just wanted to say real quick that you are wise to not rush into planning a wedding just quite yet. Are you two still living separately until you actually get M?

So much more to say, but I gotta' run. More later...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 1:22pm

Well said by everyone. My ex was the same way, always boasting about making more money and better opportunities, but no follow through on any of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 2:24pm

It sounds like your SO has made great strides towards his financial future!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Wed, 11-16-2011 - 3:21pm
Hi LB---

I agree with:
but i think having the "expectation" that DF gets his finances in order is a valid one. Yes?

From YOUR perspective of what you are willing to live with/marry into-----

However, I wonder if he really can do this----as I recall, part of past issues was him never being able to save up for an engagement ring-----I think you felt badly about it in terms of he didnt make that/your relationship with him/ a priority in order to save--------------------but maybe it was really just a manifestation of his greater issue with budgeting/managing money in general, KWIM?

Perhaps he will go with you to a financial planner, and agree with a program put forth there---at least it will be specific and written----

the "someday" attitude you talk about reminds me of people who make a goal, "I'm gonna lose 20 lbs"---------------that does NOTHING. You can make a goal"I wont eat between meals", or "I'll go for a 30 minute brisk walk each day", etc etc, and get WAY closer to losing 20 lbs than you EVER will with a vague "I'm going to lose 20 lbs"....KWIM? (I know you do ;-) !!)


Keep us posted!