moving on ... still letting go ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
moving on ... still letting go ...
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 8:39pm

You guys wanna know something ... I've been divorced for about ... almost 2 years now - and he's been gone since October of 2008. And it's like I have just realized that I've still been holding on to HIM - in a hopeful way, you know? And not like I want to get back together with him - I don't. He's a heavy drinker, a gambler and an all-around toxic person for me - but I've been holding on to HOPE that he would CARE. That he would care on a human level about me - and the way my world was absolutely ROCKED by our break-up. You know? That he would want to call me and check on me and make sure I'm ok.

My world wasn't just ROCKED by our break-up - but by the marriage ITSELF - and I've been holding on to the hope that he CARES about me and my life.

And I think I've had to just realize that he DOESN't care! He doesn't give me a second thought. He has moved on fully and completely - more than I have! You know? He is re-married - and he is happy with his choices. No regrets. We don't speak at all to each other and ... I guess on some level I carry around this CONCERN for him - like Is he still Drinking (yes, he is), is he working (No he isn't) Is he living up to the great potential that I know he has? (no. he isn't)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 9:40pm
"This all sounds very co-dependent, doesn't it???"

Hi Costume_Desginer, yes it does sound kind of codependent!

I like to think I un-codependencied (sp?) myself. It can be done.

Maybe the sooner this old guy leaves your memory bank, the more open it will be for a new man?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 11:29am

It's a little similar to my life except I have totally moved on & my ex is still attached to me.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 8:00pm

Honestly, CD, since you two did not have any children, there really isn't any reason for the two of you to talk.