moving on ... still letting go ...
Find a Conversation
|Mon, 01-31-2011 - 8:39pm|
You guys wanna know something ... I've been divorced for about ... almost 2 years now - and he's been gone since October of 2008. And it's like I have just realized that I've still been holding on to HIM - in a hopeful way, you know? And not like I want to get back together with him - I don't. He's a heavy drinker, a gambler and an all-around toxic person for me - but I've been holding on to HOPE that he would CARE. That he would care on a human level about me - and the way my world was absolutely ROCKED by our break-up. You know? That he would want to call me and check on me and make sure I'm ok.
My world wasn't just ROCKED by our break-up - but by the marriage ITSELF - and I've been holding on to the hope that he CARES about me and my life.
And I think I've had to just realize that he DOESN't care! He doesn't give me a second thought. He has moved on fully and completely - more than I have! You know? He is re-married - and he is happy with his choices. No regrets. We don't speak at all to each other and ... I guess on some level I carry around this CONCERN for him - like Is he still Drinking (yes, he is), is he working (No he isn't) Is he living up to the great potential that I know he has? (no. he isn't)