My husband sent his ex a Mother's Day ecard

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
My husband sent his ex a Mother's Day ecard
4
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 1:23am

I was irked when I found out. Ok, admittedly I am from a dysfunctional background where an ex husband giving an ex wife anything for the holidays is not the norm in my twisted little world. So is this normal for emotionally healthy adults? Anyone have any experience with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 8:15am
My ex sent me one once--it was a few years after our divorce, he wasnt married at the time (if that would have mattered----based on the woman he did eventually marry, I think it would have irked HER significantly, ...so I guess that would matter).

But, basically, it said he thought our kids were growing up into great young adults, and he appreciated the motherring I did for them.....

it was very nice. It had nothing to do with any romantic *anything* between us----------it was simply a "thank you" , and I'm glad he did it, and will always remember it, and, yeah, probably never receive anything like this from him again.

My SO, on the other hand, has an exW who was (is?) still waging HUGE PAS (parental alienation) campaign with his kids against him----telling them untrue things (that they are now---finally--beginning to realize were untrue, etc) in order to keep his kids away from him after the divorce and cause him more pain. If he were to send her one----I would really think it was ??? nutso/inappropriate---as she has spent so much effort trying to *use* the kids as a way to hurt him----and, the sad part--really hurting the kids in the process-------(so, would you really send a card to someone THANKING them for hurting yourself and your kids? )

But, still, I can see it as "OK" if it's in the form of simply an acknowledgement thanking them for the positive things they have done for your kids-------------similar to you sending a "teachers day" card to child's teacher, ---thanking them for being a positive influence in their lives.

I would have a real problem with GIFTS from the exHusband (I think it would be OK for dad to help young children purchase small gift for mom, but by teen years----they can certainly do that themselves---and, even at younger ages---most would have an aunt or someone who could help them do that, instead of divorced dad........)

others probably have other experiences...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 10:57am

I assume they have kids together so I really don't see anything wrong w/ it.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 1:39pm
I just caught that it says e-card.

I can't really say it is right or wrong, everyone is different. It also depends on the circumstances. An e-card isn't really very personal, so on the surface it doesn't sound like their was any deep hidden meaning to it.

I am guessing this is your first mothers day as a married couple???? If so, then he may have just been unsure what was appropriate and wasn't sure what to do.

I wouldn't be so concerned with the act, but rather look at why it bothers you, and if there is anything to be addressed, or not. Maybe there does, maybe there doesn't.

My xH has never bought me a card directly from him. He has helped my DD get me a gift. One year he went overboard and it made me uncomfortable and he has never done it again.

Personally, I don't think I would like it, but I can't really say it is wrong.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 3:25am
cheeky505 wrote:

I was irked when I found out. Ok, admittedly I am from a dysfunctional background where an ex husband giving an ex wife anything for the holidays is not the norm in my twisted little world. So is this normal for emotionally healthy adults? Anyone have any experience with this?

Cheeky505-

Hi. Sending the ex a Valentine's Day card