Nervous about the "merging..."

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Nervous about the "merging..."
4
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 3:19pm

The merging of everything... lives, chores, stuff, routines.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 4:54pm

Sienna,

A couple things from a veteran of the starting over, second-marriage, and leaving it all behind experience. :)

1)When you leave a familiar place be it a home, a job, school, church, community what you will miss the most isn't the structure i.e. the house, office, building, but the people and memories you had there. When we moved out of our "first house" together it was to a much nicer neighborhood and a much nicer house. What I cried about was how much I missed our old neighbors and our old neighborhood. We lived in a little, tiny house that was as ugly as sin but I missed the old man across the street who sat on the front porch and talked to everyone. I missed the odd guy who lived on the other side of us who always kept an eye on our place for us. I mourned the loss of those relationships but never the house!

Advice: Hang in there ii gets better. If you make friends and step into your community then it will be home before you know it. So go ahead and mourn what you leave behind just remember its not really the buildings you'll miss. ;-)

2)Do you LIKE your intended? Yes, I asked do you LIKE him? Are you good friends? Would you choose this guy to hang around with just because it's an enjoyable experience to be with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 10-29-2010 - 5:18pm

Besides from liking my area better, my house has been a symbol of how proud I am to support myself and put myself through school. It has been extremely hard, but darn it I did it all by myself! My ex lived here, but I don't feel any memories of him thankfully.

Yes, I really like my boyfriend. He is my best friend. I miss him when I don't see him - even for a day. We live just a mile apart, but I'm also back in school so some days I just have to do homework at night. I really miss his company.

We can go on backpacking trips where it's just us two and the dog, and not see anyone else, maybe the entire trip! We have so much fun, no props, no TV, just being goofs in the middle of no where. We must have gone on 10 trips this summer mostly long weekends, and it was so wonderful. Thinking about/planning/taking trips is something we really do well together and enjoy. Of course just sitting at home eating leftovers on the couch in our soft and cozies can be perfectly satisfying too. It's because it's just plain good to be with him.

Would you choose this guy to hang around with just because it's an enjoyable experience to be with him?

Definitely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Sun, 10-31-2010 - 5:53am

I went into that panic about a month before we got married.

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 12:55pm

Besides from liking my area better, my house has been a symbol of how proud I am to support myself and put myself through school. It has been extremely hard, but darn it I did it all by myself! My ex lived here, but I don't feel any memories of him thankfully.

Holy cow, I could have written this!

Serenity