Is this normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Is this normal?
16
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 10:02am

I just need to know if it's normal in a second marriage for spouses to go their separate ways when it comes to their adult children?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-02-2012 - 12:26pm

Well everybody has their own way of doing things.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 12:25pm

It is so funny you bring this up, because my SO sort of has the same perspective when it comes to my immediate family, with the exception of my youngest DD11.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 4:28pm

Thanks for the replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 4:51am
I understand the other posters comments...I do like spending alone time with my kids...BUT I also like all of us doing stuff together..fortunately my new husband does as well...I think part of that has to do with the fact that he never had kids of his own and always wanted them.....Idk at least for me.. I think there should be a balance... I would be really be hurt and upset if my DH never wanted to do things with my kids and I. I feel like..we even though this isnt a first marriage....we are a family ..and we need to take the time to relationship and build memories and bond together.

Malea

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 3:07pm

How old are your kids?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 5:53pm
Malea, I agree that if the new spouse is able to bond with the adult children, that is a wonderful thing. My experience has been that such a R can't be forced. My SO can handle my two adult children in small increments of time, but I figured out early on that although he cares for there well being because they are my children, they all don't necessarily develop a close R.

And to be honest, my DD25 isn't always the most enjoyable person to be around, so I can't really blame SO for not pursuing anything more than it is. Currently when we are together, they all get along. So in my situation, the limited R my grown kids have with SO is okay with me.

In the future, who knows? But right now it works.


Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 4:35am

I don't know ....I am the first one in omy family to ever divorce....my parents are still married...and all of my friends irl have never been divorced either..so sometimes I think I have unrealistic expectations...but as far as this issue my DH loves spending time with my kids and we do "family " things together...my kids are 18,16 and 12 right now...also we knew my Dh before he and I ever got together ..we werent real close friends or anything...but that prob helped with the "relationshipping ".

Malea

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 4:36am
My kids are 18,16 and 12..so it prob is different than if they where in their 20's and living on their own.

Malea

Looking to work from home ? Ask me how :

www.askmalea.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 9:07am

Malea,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2010
Thu, 01-05-2012 - 11:05am

It's taken me 14 years with my dh to fully understand me and my needs with this issue. I married my dh expecting a life partner. My kids are the most important part of my life. If my dh isn't my partner and isn't willing to share this aspect of my life with me, it's a deal breaker for me. If I wanted anything less than someone to share my life with, I would just date.

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