"Officially" joined the ranks again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
"Officially" joined the ranks again...
Tue, 08-13-2013 - 4:17pm

Hi all,

Been a long time since I posted last...with all the iVillage posting issues...(miss this board!)

Just wanted to let you know that we got married last week...Justice of the Peace ceremony (quick and easy)...This has been a very difficult year for both of us.  I lost my job as a school librarian this year and for years prior I had been a classroom teacher.  However, I had changed districts twice before (as a teacher), before I landed my school librarian job.  Therefore, I didn't have the kind of senority I would've needed as a teacher (or a librarian) to have kept my job.  Sadly, school librarians aren't mandated by my state on the elementary level, so when districts start to have financial trouble (as all of the districts in my state are now having), they look to cut any programs/services that aren't mandated.

Needless to say, I was quite shocked and scared (as I am the main breadwinner in our relationship-nor have I ever been without a job since I was 15 years old).  Thankfully, I did see the whole situation coming (so I was able to be proactive right away).  I thought that since I am both a certified classroom teacher/school librarian, that while it wouldn't be an easy road, I would find something.  It didn't quite work out that way.  I applied to postings for both positions.  I never got a call for any classroom positions (this was surprising to me), but looking back, maybe not so surprising b/c I now have "too much" experience and districts aren't willing/able to pay for that experience anymore.  I did go on many interviews for school librarian, but it's not so nice out there right now.  Districts know they have more candidates than they can handle, so the competition is fierce (for not many job openings).  Luckily, I was able to find a school library position in a truly nice elementary school.  I really believe that it is the kind of work environment that will be great!  That actually is such a positive change, b/c for the past 4 years in my old school (the work environment has been really unhealthy), it's one of those things where I never would've "asked" to lose my job and have this huge change come into my life, but I knew that I needed it. 

Unfortunately, I am taking a HUGE paycut and our health insurance had to change.  Previously, DH was on my health insurance as a domestic partner.  The new school doesn't offer that option.  DH taking health insurance from his employer would mean a huge salary reduction on his part (and as it is he really can't afford that)...So therefore, we kind of knew the "time had come".  Eight years later, while it isn't exactly "the way" we wanted it to come about, it was probably the right decision taking into account all of those factors.

While I wish I could say that the ongoing animosity with his ex, his CS issues, parental alienation, etc. has stopped, but unfortunately it has only intensified...Hard to believe that eight years has gone by and nothing seems to change...

Our relationship is as strong as it has always been.  He was amazingly supportive through the hell I was going through for the last few months!

Miss everyone on this board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002

Hi Bella!

So nice to hear from you!


(on both marriage AND the new job!)

It sounds positive, anyhow!

Refresh my memory---oh, maybe I'm remembering more now---didnt he have spousal support or something, that was going to be ending, but it seemed like forever until that would happen?  I think it happened already, though....so this is probably just regular CS payments?

How old are the kids now?

Anyhow....nice to hear from you! I will (try--hah!) PM-ing you :)

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

So good to see you here and congrats! 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010

Bella...welcome back and congratulations!  I'm sorry to hear about your job, but it sounds like exactly what happened to me this summer...was down-sized at a job I hadn't been happy at for years and, with the help of my old boss, found another one right away.  Unfortunately, there are no benefits, but since dh and I married 2 years ago, I've been on HIS ever since.  It was always nice knowing though that I had them, too, in case anything were to happen to HIS job.  Oh, well. 

We also got married by a JOP a week before we closed on the condo we were buying together.  I wasn't interested in getting married, but he made some good points...like since we were joining money and assets, it was the smart thing to do, as well as my health insurance wasn't great and he said, "At YOUR age, if anything catastrauphic happened, it could ruin us financially."  Romantic, right??  lol 

Sorry to hear also that the problems still remain after all these years.  I, too, see the years slipping by (dh and I have been together 5 years) and the same problems remain...mostly with our adult children and fighting about how we help them and how much money is going out the window.  We've both almost walked out more times than I can tell you...over ADULT children!  Crazy! 

Anyway, glad to hear everything worked out and you're back!  I haven't been on much myself.  I found a board for stepmothers I've been frequenting because it's my SS20 I have the most issues with.  I hope your return starts things here up again!  :)