The OTHER Stepson - Helps Himself to Dad's (Our?) Money

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009
The OTHER Stepson - Helps Himself to Dad's (Our?) Money
10
Mon, 11-15-2010 - 4:17pm

So this is the other stepson--the one who hasn't really been giving us much grief, but is a source of anxiety to his dad who wants him to be financially responsible, as is completing college this year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

If you are sharing your money, or if his paying for this would at all affect you, then I say that you have a right to have input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009

DSS has absolutely NO concept of money and a major sense of entitlement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008

I think if I were your DH, I would be discussing that fradulent cc charges can mean going to jail...okay, that may be a little extreme, but to make the point that they are truly fradulent b/c this was done w/o your DH's knowledge or consent...if DSS wants a cc card why doesn't he have one in his own name?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002

Ouch---

yes---hopefully Dad is learning a lesson here, anyhow!

I hope Dad steps up to the plate and does some re-arranging of accommodations---yeah, the flights are just the beginning---cancun vacation, etc--where's the hotel/meals/etc $$ going to come from?

On the other hand---it's awkward with sk's and $$---the hugest thing I've learned is the benefit of keeping $$ SEPARATE, so his "guilt" indulgences of kids don't affect our lives.............

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005

IMHO, unless his major in something to absolutely do with Cuba, a half credit course isn't worth it at all. I hope your DH cancels the credit card and the trip because his son could easily ruin his credit. Sigh. I think if the money is going to come out of your joint account, with your joint money saved, then you should have a say. A trip to Cuba can cost a lot of money (and tacking on the LA/Cancun/FL was just naughty on his son's part). Your DH needs to teach his son some boundaries. I hate to say it though, if DH used money to win his love, then of course the son feels it's his right to use and abuse dad. I know my 1xh felt that way. He felt dad owned him and his dad paid for anything his wife would allow. I mean, he'd visit and run up a $300 sushi/drink tab. And that's just one night.

Maybe instead of flat out saying "no" to the son, he could compromise with...."if you save up for half the trip, I'll pay for the other half" or something like that. make him semi-responsible. i bet you he won't want to go to cuba anymore. IMHO, I'd tell son to save up half the cost for the Cuba portion, and the other part of the trip is fully expensed BY THE SON since THAT is NOT education related. And DH will pay for the other half of the Cuba trip.

Son needs to learn respnosibility and boundaries. Dad needs to set them. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009

So guilt indulgences are a common thing?

I thought it was just my husband, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2009

The interesting thing here is that DSS wasn't being sneaky, just doing what he's been doing all along - using the co-signed credit card for what HE deemed important - in this case a half-credit course on Hemingway that goes to Cancun and Cuba.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
GE---
What I've learned---is my SO will ALWAYS be a s*cker for his kids-----

His D is upper 20's, and just now getting around to finishing college---and he's paying all of sorts of apartment rent/deposits/moving expenses/etc---
I think it comes out of guilt/love/being brought up that man is "provider"---so his "love" is shown with $$$-----

And then--yup, both his kids and your DH's kids were raised with a mom who exploited dad's generous financial nature-----and taught the kids it's dads DUTY to fund everything----

(what burns me up is stuff like SO's exW calling SO to say the rental car HE is paying for ADULT SD is *not good enough*--he needs to be upgrading it!---WTH! *she* can foot the "upgrade" $$ if it's so d*mn important to her! --not even SD complaining---.....LOL...but I digress here.... ;-) !!)

AS for your other post--why doesnt YOUR exH have these same attributes for YOUR kids------

I'm guessing it's something re: how you HAVENT brow beat your exH RE: all of the things your DH's exW brow beat him about....


ANYHOW---
what I find best is keeping all $$$ separate---and expecting "business as usual" re: what DH is paying towards YOUR life with him------

It's hard to turn a blind eye to it, but not worth getting TOO worked up over, either.
In this case, I DO think *dad* learned a lesson-----what will be telling is what happens from here on out----

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Well, at least your DH got angry!

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Because he doesn't feel guilty. Simple answer.

Pamela


The choices we make in thought word and deed inevitably return to us in kind.