Questions about marrying a second time
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|Fri, 05-28-2010 - 6:53pm|
Hello Everyone. I am new here, and have been lurking on the boards, getting some great information. There is a question I haven't seen addressed: The length of time to date before remarrying. I can't imagine it hasn't been discussed before, but I can't find it, so if there is a link to it, I will go check it out if you post it.
The question: How soon is too soon for a second marriage?
My story: I am 42, been divorced >10 years. 7 years ago I dealt with some unpleasant medical issues, which are now resolved. and I am now rebuilding my life. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your view, I have no children. My honey is 44, has a 12 year old son and has been divorced 3 years. He began dating 2 years after his divorce, has dated a few women but none seriously, and he and I have been dating 6 weeks.
In many ways we are both starting over again, and everything I have seen about him has been positive. We have the same values, spirituality and life goals. The conversations he has with his son are positive and supportive, he has a good job, is intelligent, thoughtful, considerate, giving, yadda yadda yadda. In short, he is a great guy.
His ex seems a little nutty, even according to his son, and their relationship of 15 years ended because of severe incompatibility issues and her refusal to deal with some mental health issues. She doesn't seem violent or off the charts crazy. He acknowledges his role in staying with her for too long, and what he contributed to the relationship (bad and good).
He wants to get engaged now and marry in 5 months, when his alimony ends. We've talked about money (which is tight for both of us), sex (haven't had it yet) boundaries with his ex, child-rearing, whether or not to try to have children (undecided, seems a little late), where to live, attitudes towards going out, vacation preferences and how to mingle the pets.
The only reason I can come up with not to proceed is that it's "too fast"; there is no specific concern I have which makes me doubt him as a well matched partner.
Am I overlooking something on which you can help shed some light?
Thank you all in advance.